It's taken me about 3 years but I realized tonight I think I have finally found one thing I do that makes me "happy." When I was part of a couple, my dreams were his dreams. His goals became my own. Time felt dictated by survival.............

I struggle to move beyond this mindset of survival because those feelings are familiar ones. We made choices in order to make our household function financially, and times were quite stressful. Not everyone understood the remodeling industry was not a lucrative one. How do I move forward when I continue in this familiar feeling.........

It was in those times however, that we grew......... as people. Our kids became acquainted with hard work, appreciation for others, and a sense of accomplishment not entitlement. In SoCal, hard work is defined very differently and evidenced in very few. The life of leisure is strived for.

Austin began his new job this afternoon and has a second interview set up with a second place nearby. Transportation is a challenge because he will need to use the bus regularly. I'm able to run around if necessary but won't continue "forever." We won't purchase another vehicle while here because of costs and countless scammers. Buying two bikes was tough enough:)

Chynna continues to study her course in personal training online. Her "career" at Olive Garden is coming to an end as she pursues the coaching opportunities that have come her way. She has learned that she does not prefer a 9-5 type of job but likes to set her own schedule:) Student loans are coming due and she's learning how to manage more on her own. I support the best I can, and try not to stress out.........

When I look at things without the "eyes of my heart being enlightened and opened", life can look a bit lopsided. It's easy to replay memories in my head and heart, and wonder how different things could be......... but it is then I rely on that enlightenment to take me to a higher perspective.......

I think of the story of Job of the Bible..... he seems to have had everything, and then suddenly it was all taken from him. Everything he was familiar with was gone... except his wife. She suggested he "curse God and die." Even in the midst of his physical, emotional and mental pain, he was able to maintain his memory of the coming future....... (Job 2)

The memories of the future, eternity in my heart, has to outweigh those pulling me back to my past.