Twelve years ago....... on this day, in my 5th month of pregnancy, I gave birth to a son, Caden Trevor, who was unable to sustain life. He became the third child I lost to what is known as a "miscarriage." This term miscarriage by definition is "an unsuccessful outcome of something planned". Hmmm, how about that?
Little did I know, this would signify a prophetic parallel of what had secretly taken place throughout my life, what was currently taking place, and what was to come........
Such loss sent me into the unfamiliar territory of depression........ learning how to fend off and climb my way out of this pit, prison. My world suddenly opened to multitudes of others who suffer in silence for a variety of reasons and circumstances. Struggles with a spouse who could not process his grief; you name it, I have seen it. Darkness always seeks to invade and overtake the Light.... and light-bearers.
In recent years, I have wondered how I would go on..... many have come and gone from my life, suddenly and unexpected in my eyes; however, I have allowed this to challenge me, NOT to break me. I recognize and have become fully aware of an adversary who will stop it nothing to "steal, kill, and destroy" as the Word of God states. But... there IS a purpose in it all and that is to make ME better. It is my choice whether I succumb, surrender, seek the higher purpose, or become a slave to my sorrows.
Sorrows show up in a variety of ways: addictions, anger, animosity, offense, overindulging, and emptiness. We just need to do a deep down diagnosis of what is at the heart of our emotional interests and get real with ourselves. Too bad so many aren't willing or equipped to do so; we continue on in a fantasy land where we tell ourselves we're okay and go on in our oblivion or misery.
If you find yourself in any situation where people leave you, betray your trust, life lets you down...... don't give up HOPE. It is a temporary moment in which you can be free.
As I reflect today on my life, I am overwhelmed, but not by what I have suffered.... not by loss or death, but by LOVE. The love of a Father......and of a "heavenly family"; the only One(s) who have been with me through it all, offering support, sustaining me, unconditionally. And true friends, truth tellers, and those who desire to celebrate life each and every day. Life is a gift.
Had he lived, I would today have a 12 year old son, without his father. Only God really knows why......... But what I know is I have learned to lean in for understanding, learn to pick myself up again and again, and mostly importantly, never give up and never back down.
#recklesslove