Creating an opening.

After being in a committed relationship for 25 years, there are many life lessons I have learned over such a broad time period. From then until now, a lot has changed with the idea of a dynamic "duo" except the importance of communication........ which remains a key element in any healthy relationship.

It seems silly now....... how lots of little things build up between us over time; barriers are created between you and the one(s) you love. All the hurts and heartaches are the walls constructed that keep communications contained as we begin the mission of protecting ourselves.

Before you know it, the ceiling is hung. The open heavens are closed tight. Nothing gets in or goes out. Life stops. Existence starts. And we do it all over again, every day, unless there is intention.......... and creative communication starts up. That means taking a risk..............

Being 3 years into this, I have not stopped. This process which was meant to close me up has only opened me more to possibilities, potential, and purposefulness. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. Being back in the Berks region and beyond, I feel the desperation all the more...........

At my age and older, it's so easy to stop caring, stop reaching, and stop believing. I think we see the effects of this mentality on the younger generations. That is not okay. They need to know they are better than what they seem to be now. Barriers have to be broken down first.

I have intentionally been open with my kids, past and present, in good times and tough ones. I cannot carry things alone and they have been far stronger than imagined. Each need breaks, but I do not take one. I am too busy busting through the ceiling built.............

This weekend will be the first big return to Grass Doubles back East, which we had such fond memories of while in L.A. The sand of Hermosa will have to wait for now:) 
Logan will tackle the Open Division tomorrow with a partner, and Sunday, he and his "sissy" will play together:) I gotta get there to watch!

A long, working weekend is planned for me, as usual, but goes with building a business. I signed my first clients up as Buyer's Thursday so I am ready to celebrate:) Fingers crossed our rental app is accepted! I am mopping, cooking, and making calls out of my home office for now.

When it's easiest to close up, think about availing yourself to openness. It may get you farther than you ever imagined.......

All in.

When recovering from a loss in life, it is so very natural to link anything else that feels like a loss to that former suffering. Even if one has moved on, that pain can linger, hidden deep within the seat of our souls. The only way I have found to find freedom from it, is to allow it to be exposed........

That kind of exposure is super uncomfortable, mostly because we are afraid we will find we have to make a change. That pain can become all too familiar; it becomes easier to nurture our wounds and tell ourselves lies, so as to not deal with reality. Sometimes a big dose of reality is what is absolutely needed to shake us beyond our suffering..........

My time today was very cathartic, as I hung out in my home, waiting for an appliance delivery. It gave me a chance to begin to change things up inside, pulling out decor that had been stored and take stock of what is left. I moved around furniture on my own and it was fun;)

The kids and I have a lot of plans to open up our home once again to family and friends....... and we will plan accordingly. Living in L.A. showed all of us what we need, want, and are responsible for. We have learned to live with little or much. Either way, life is about more than just "me....."

When given much or given little, it's all in the way it's handled and it is all in our hands. I will be expanding on these thoughts and more in the coming days on my newly revamped blog, almost ready to be released!

Jordan will be working remotely for his current company BAM, out of SF, when he returns to the east. He will now be "freelancing" officially, with a contract worked out with them. It is a blessing for him to return with this piece in place:) And it's only the beginning........

Logan and I again worked together to get the new dryer hooked up because the delivery guy failed to do so. Who knew the first time I would need to put a clamp thingy on to seal the dryer vent, it would be in my 40's and with Log's help?! 
We later searched through our basement shelves for supplies to work at a rental I have opening shortly. I plan to be there on my own this week to get started on the project, with Logan helping when he can. Talk about a new adventure....... Lord help us.

When I make a move based out of my "faith", if I have any doubts about it, the purpose of the plan is doomed. I have to be fully persuaded which is the meaning behind the word "faith." Fully convinced. If not, I leave myself wide open, and my wounds totally unable to heal.........

I am all in.

Desperate in L.A.

Well, it's finally official: my baby got his Pennsylvania driver's license today! My life will suddenly shift again.........

In SoCal it wasn't such a big deal; kids aren't overtly anxious to drive for many reasons, and the parents I knew never seemed overly concerned. Here, we can afford a few cars, the gas to go in them, and typically a space to park them grin emoticon

Logan is extremely excited to have some more independence, but I did remind him that I still need him, LOL. In the course of a few weeks, life as we have all known it, will again shift into high gear. With my sister and her family moving in their new place, I will be starting over to a certain extent...

Chynna is busy in SoCal, selling the few pieces of furniture we retain there, while I begin unpacking shipped boxes early next week. Until i dig things out of the cold attic, the house will feel a bit empty, but I've learned to live out of boxes and have a few things out of place for a while.............. 
We have all learned so much in our lessons from the west.

Jordan sold his trunk last night, the faithful friend that held his life history for the past two years. He literally had almost everything he owned contained in that one place.... stories could be told of the moves they made together, LOL. The woman making the purchase felt it was a sign confirming her new adventure........... Imagine that.

Today was Austin's last day of restaurant work and he has begun the online application back here. He is heading to Oakland, CA and onto Sonoma, to meet with a few good friends he's made. It's one of his first big solo trips, a flight and then a bus, which will be good for him. I'm praying grin emoticon

As for me, I am following through on my self imposed deadline of book revising with my goal of finishing up this weekend in place. I look to be on track and then it's off to a publishing house! These are all big steps in an even bigger plan that I have set my sights upon. "All steps forward."

Desperation can be used as motivation or serve as a distraction. I guess L.A. brought out a bit of desperation in my soul, searching for more than I know, and learning I can always be more than I think. The same is true for you. Think small, see battles. Dream big, see better. I am pushing more than ever.......

I have learned there are options in life and there are always choices that keep us limited or living life. There may be one first step that needs to be made but that first step may get you to the next, and the next, and then a path becomes more clear.

I never have the full picture, but pieces that fit together.........

Goodnight Dreamers.

True to myself.

Being true to myself can be an uphill climb.

Just when I think I've reached a place to stop and "rest," I look around and see where I am. It pushes me to keep moving. 
That one step is only temporary and affords few comforts, with little to hold onto; I guess it pushes me to climb higher.................

I find I get tired and want to "settle." Simply because I wish for it to happen, does not mean it has happened, and I push myself a little further. Everything within my soul wants to settle but it does not seem like that kind of season in my life so far.

As I contemplate another road trip which will bring us all back home, I really can't imagine making the journey again. The thing getting me through is the adventure it will be with 3 of my 4 kids. Can't believe I've crossed the country more times in two years than my whole life..........

There's a kind of promised preservation that has come for me through my faith, at least that's how I look at it. I can't always explain it, but I know it. I feel it. I see it. It can be very easily undermined if it isn't protected and I've learned to be vigilant.

My youngest challenges me all the time, not with his words, but his actions. He chooses his battles wisely and counts the costs of his choices. His temperament is a true test of his character, which has always been tested like few others. I am blessed to be part of his life.......

One thing I am counting on is that more fun will return to my life, as the drive from L.A. will begin in 20 days. My kids will remind me to be true to myself, what matters, and my convictions. Imagine, kids challenging their parents. I wonder how many of us actually listen when that happens........

Goodnight. .

By faith.

Contrary to belief and what you may be seeing, life here can be light hearted. Sometimes we think we have to go elsewhere to escape the mundane, when goodness is right in our midst...... if we can only find a way to build something, more than what we know.........

I began to contemplate a return home months and months ago, and determined to take the steps necessary in that direction. We learned early on the west was a transitory time; for how majestic the mountains are, the mundane is there as well. The movement has to come from within us......

Over the course of this almost two year period of time, I began to see the toll this transition had taken on all of us. It was in June of 2014 I began to contemplate our "exodus". Whenever you feel enslaved to a system or society, God will always be a way of escape......

This would take every ounce of courage I could muster again, as well as my kids. There's a certain pride that comes with being called a "Californian." We had a choice to make. Follow our further calling or protect the pride associated with the statehood.

I believe I will return to the land one day, for a mission, promise and purpose. It's a great place to visit and I'm thankful to hear the kids are doing okay on their own. For now, my path is being laid out for me to follow as a result of obedience. My late husband helped us learn this "by faith" concept.........

We continue in the recruiting process for Logan and college, as he's in his junior year and plans to play volleyball in college. Lately, my nights have consisted of late night coast to coast calls for business, the blog, and for fun just before midnight. It feels longer than 4 weeks that we left them behind...... to obey.

Chynna is receiving lots of affirmation of the job she's doing coaching in Cali. This has been a time of development her knowledge and skills, and reaffirming the call she has on her life.... and there is definitely a difference in the play of the "game."

And who knows where adventure will take us next...........