Instability can come about through current economic conditions, future predictions, divorce, and devastation left behind by another's departure. There seems to be no time to 'plan ahead" because there's always enough in keeping up with the present. I am making the shift..............

After two months home, we are feeling settled back east; even my San Franciscan son, Jordan. His time in the city will always be a part of his DNA going forward, and in reflecting upon his time there, it was a freaking adventure. His landlord stories alone are basically nightmares, LOL.
I am glad he stayed safe among the mentally unstable.

As we come and go, with each on our own schedules, I think we're learning to function as a team a bit better. From digging the holes, to mowing the lawn, to spackling my home office, the conversation has evolved from an "I don't have time" mentality to "let's get it done."

Kids often take up the ambition they see in their parents, and I know the fact that I don't let up speaks to my own offspring. I sometimes feel like I'm a workaholic, but I refuse to take on that role. I tell myself I'm doing what is necessary and I don't have any other option. I would love if someone would say, "let me do that for you"... but I am getting stronger.

I know many of you wonder if the kids really wanted to leave the L.A. area and California in general to come back to PA. I can honestly say yes, absolutely. There is no doubt in our minds how much the culture can impact a person's psyche and soul, and is one that left us dried out, deadened, ......... and hardened.

The dating scene offered no viable options in the state of CA, as we found so many phonies, fanatics, and fruitcakes unfortunately. "Being here warms my heart and it's not just about feeling warmth, but feeling all of the emotions again," sentiments expressed by my 22 year old daughter.........

Having crossed this wonderful country of ours, in flight and on the ground, what my kids have come to realize is how GOOD we have it here.

Chynna's words ring true on this Memorial Day and should remind each of us to be grateful for those who give more than many could even imagine...... those who hurt, sacrifice, and suffer in silence.

"I shut so many out for so long so I wouldn't feel upset and disappointment.
What they don't realize is how good it is here, if you don't leave, you don't know."

God Bless America.

Some times are tougher than others and I find this happens just before a big breakthrough. Practically speaking, this looks like a two year old garage door opener quitting, a new ice maker not working, to a bruised ankle, and the list goes on. Stuff happens that doesn't make sense.

You push forward only to be met with discouragement that tries to create doubts. I am determined however, not to entertain or play host because I know those doubts create instability. Since returning from L.A., I am all about increased stabilization......... because there is a shifting........

For me, this means I am asking questions about what brings the instability versus how I feel secured. Problem is, if/when I find the answers, I need to be willing to act. This will require even more strength and courage from me.

In the last two years of transition, I am learning more about my feminine self as opposed to who I was in marriage. My dating life began 18 months after death, and I felt ready. For some it is sooner; others it takes a longer period. I do know I am a bit fearful though......... which I'd rather not admit.

Last night Logan's HS VB team could not overcome Wilson and were knocked out of Counties in Quarterfinals. Unfortunately, Logan was not able to play because of his ankle injury, but, he IS on the mend and will be ready for District playoffs.
There was a large crowd that came out and he was mentioned as "one to watch" in our local paper. It was tough for me to see this play out but I did remain positive throughout the process though.

I took today to run the massive amount of errands on my list as they built up throughout the week. I made another trip to Lowe's for a few rental items, but I am happy to say I believe we are winding down, thanks to Jordan's help. Slowly but surely, we are catching up on things left go.

I think my new motto is "do what makes you happy" and I should post stickers everywhere to remind myself. I have come a long way but have further to go in the relationship arena. That is somewhat uncharted territory for me:/

I am so blessed by great girlfriends, my mom, and good, loving friends who continue to lift me up. Thanks...........