My Path.

The process of grief can take a long time....... for many, it lasts a lifetime. Flashes of images and memories can bring a smile, or a tear, or the combination of both. Not only do I walk through my own, but I lead my children through...... to be winners rather than suffer the pain of a lifetime of loss.

There is always the concern that we will not make it..... that we would stop moving. Any one of the stages can overtake the healing process, hindering recovery.  An aimlessness can set in at any moment; I can feel overwhelmed.... wondering what direction I should go. What path should I take. 

In many ways, I am a pioneer; I am finding my own way, navigating uncharted lands, unknown places, and taking territories I have never been to before. I have not had the benefit of having a guide directing me, telling me how to feel, how to behave...... no one knows how to respond but one thing I know....  hope springs eternal. There is always a promise.

The beauty that comes from grief is profound....... art, poems, songs, and writings are pouring forth. I can feel resistant to learning new ways and concepts because I am stretched thin, but the more I stretch, the more my mind expands...... and my heart enlarges. My spirit is exhilarated. My soul engaged.

As I write, my focus is intentionally universal.... the realities of loss, of any kind.... and the possibilities that come out of it... as we overcome.

"Deep calls unto deep....all your waves and breakers wash over me." (Psalm of David) 
 

Transformation 2014

In the pursuits of purpose in life and goal setting, strict training and sacrifice are required to be a true competitor.... and winner. This is in the heart of any "athlete." What is your will to win?

"If you run aimlessly and with no purpose, what's the point. I beat my body and make it my slave, believing I can do what is beyond my natural ability. In a race, all winners run, but only one gets the reward so run to win!" (my interpretation of 1 Corinthians 9))

When coming to Southern Cal the end of June 2013 as part of our trip to Junior Olympic Nationals with Logan, we were on a scouting mission. The possibility of a relocation here was in the forefront of our minds........... we needed to see if the territory could be ours.

I knew this would require great sacrifice, on all our parts, as we would be leaving so much behind in the East Coast. Roots we established. History we made. But it is in the "move" that I've found great sacrifice leads to great transformation.

There are mental, physical, and spiritual changes undergone when one is determined to reach a goal set. Habits need to be broken; patterns have to be altered in order to become the person you are meant to be....... it is so painful. In many ways, the person you are will be radically transformed into who you are to become.

As I continue to allow my attitude to evolve, I continue to adapt. You gotta get up and move.

Re-entry 2014

After taking a few weeks away from HOS, I am now returning, a bit refreshed, renewed, and refocused.

The start of a new year is often the time to cleanse, purge, and make our resolutions. The past few weeks have been a time for me to reevaluate priorities, as I learn to let go of the old and embrace the new. Just as I made room in my closet today, I have chosen what to keep and what to be free of. It is always a process.

I've always been the kind to look for a better way of doing things so I don't get stuck in one pattern or way. My late husband had something to do with this, because he never liked to drive the same road day after day. He would mix things up by taking a path less traveled. Initially this seemed odd and weird to me, but I found myself to be similar. I would uniquely rearrange my furniture on a regular basis, confusing our house cats who couldn't find their comfortable chair, to our friends who wondered why.

This has allowed me to appreciate change and diversity which is probably a good thing because it's allowed me to adapt to a new culture. Coming to California from the East Coast was very, very hard and when I tell people we knew no one here, they can hardly fathom our sense of adventure. But I knew if it was God's will.... there WOULD be a way.


As I talk to countless people, I hear a  common theme in this new year....... a feeling of aimlessness and hopelessness. It seems if we don't know what to do, where we're going, or how to get there, we do nothing. In my way of thinking, this cannot be.

There is always hope, even when you cannot see or feel it. Find the real thing because the fake form is always out there. Fortunately, we never received false hope regarding my husband's irreparable damage and condition. I knew what the outcome would be... and I knew what my outlook had to be.

Outlook - "point of view; expectation for the future, a mental attitude or picture. A characteristic attitude that determines how you will interpret and respond to situations."

Hopeful in Southern Cal......

Bursting Boundaries.

Life includes loss. There's no way to get around it, but we MUST move past it. No matter the devastation or destruction involved; even when there is closure or none to be found.

The two opposing forces, life and death, are eternal elements set in place since the beginning of time, by the Ancient of Days.

Loss leaves us blind and forces us to feel our way through; to find a way less traveled. Whether a famous celebrity, fellow citizen or family member, this force is universal. The feelings are ever present, in spite of time passing.

We can make the choice to grab hold of what lies ahead and believe in a future we cannot see, for the sake of and in memory of the loved ones we've lost.

As many in the media mourn the loss of a Fast and Furious star, his legacy will live on. Good will triumph over injustice. Reach out..... worldwide.

Two nations... Two peoples.

Since the earliest beginnings in ancient history, the battle between two has been evident. Good and evil. Light and dark. However you title it, whatever label you give, there was and remains an eternal struggle. This epic element in great storytelling plays out between brothers in Genesis 25.

Their conflict begins in the womb of their mother, Rebekah, as her babies "jostle" and wrestle each other before birth. As she grew uncomfortable, she elected to ask God about this dilemma and what she did to deserve such discomfort. The Lord spoke to her a word that was prophetic in nature, preparing her for the future to come. She knew the word was destiny.

Before birth even, the younger grabbed hold of the heel of his twin, which would set the pattern for what was to unfold in their lifetime. They grew up together with different interests and unique personalities. One a skillful hunter, a man of the world; the other, a quiet soul, a homebody, with a desire in his heart.

Perhaps the saying "you need to watch out for the quiet ones" has meaning after all......

Stay tuned.

Breaking Barriers.

Life is not fair. Good is not always rewarded.... immediately.  If I didn't learn that lesson growing up, I certainly did entering adulthood, as a young woman.  I learned many hard lessons on the subject as "life" has let me down almost daily.

"Going back to when we were children, I think most of us in this courtroom thought justice came automatically. That virtue was its own reward. That good triumphs over evil. But as we get older, we know this isn’t true. Individual human beings have to create justice, and this is not easy because the truth often poses a threat to power and one often has to fight power at great risk to themselves." JFK

 Losses lead some to crack and commit crimes against humanity. Some suffer in silence and simply keep the status quo. And then there's a whole other segment of society who will rise and demonstrate the extraordinary, in the right time and season. The reward is resilience built in the growth process.  

Justice may not always be served in a manner where good is rewarded; I know, as I became a widow at age 43. Real power is in the sacrifice unless you allow yourself to become the victim..........