Divine plans and order.

When one or more you love suffer loss or pain unneedlessly, each expresses it differently. Even if it can be part of their personal growth, it all remains very difficult to deal with. As a mom of a son who witnessed the worst possible thing ever in losing his dad, I have a special place in my heart for him........

Having 3 other kids who shared the pain, as well as help uncover the purpose of loss, have forever been changed and challenged......... Even almost 3 years in, I will continue to do whatever it takes to help each realize their futures do exist. Perhaps a mother's love or the determination of destiny........

One of mine needed to go as far away as possible to escape familial responsibility; another always had a craving to chase after her dreams. One son, a bit more volatile and emotional, is the heart of the family...... and my youngest, well, he has made the most of every opportunity given to him.

I find it important to reevaluate life and decisions regularly because I will always want and do the best possible thing for the kids...... not for myself and not because of peer pressure. We follow a different flow......

I do find myself extra sensitive to dehydration while here in this extra dry climate. It's hard to imagine seriously worrying about a "water shortage" for years and years, if living here permanently. The lifestyle of renting in the South Bay and NorCal lends itself to never feeling settled..........

Austin is fighting off an ear infection for the past week, so it may be time for a doctor visit:/ His new job at The Loft Hawaiian is going well and will need to fit in, following his school schedule on weekdays. After implementing a few new plans, he is coming along well. although it is tricky without his own car:/ We have no plans to make a big purchase here because of countless scammers in SoCal.

Chynna's team won an Indoor Tournament today and she's very excited about going to Nationals in 2015:) I may just have to make a visit there. I wish we would've known then what we know now; she could've gone far in this sport after high school but trusting in a divine order and plan. Now could be her time:)

Sometimes lessons learned can be gleaned in a short amount of time. When the Spirit of God is involved and dreams are revealed, time becomes irrelevant. Age does not matter. Fear is not a big factor. I find what used to take 20 years, can be learned in 2. Crazy stuff........

Setting up plans for the next six months. Exciting days are ahead.

Dare you to move.

Remaining true to who I am, at my core, is proving to be some of the hardest and most diligent work I have ever done. Just as the land is dried out, even more so the heart and character of its inhabitants here ........ there is neither. And that my friend Dave, makes me angry...... people think this is normal.

No matter where one turns, there is a person who will speak pleasant words to your face, and proceed to stab you in the back. There is no love lost here; no trust established anywhere, and nothing substantial to put your faith in........ but can these "dry bones live again?" We will see.........

Fortunately, we are sensitive to the leading of the will of the Lord in heaven, and follow it as best we can. On this 4th day of Sept, 34 months after our loss, our faith lies squarely in the One who will not go back on His word, nor break faith or trust with us........ we have substance to hold onto.

My core is strong and this poisonous experience will not change who we are on the inside. If anything, it will make us just a little bit better:) After all, VB is therapy; it is not LIFE. We continue to be an enigma.

Club VB tryouts have begun, starting tonight and going through the weekend. Second year in, it's a whole new animal. I'm so impressed with my youngest, fiercely competitive and facing guys on the opposing team one day, but embracing each as fellow teammates the next. It is an amazing testament to his character and adults could take a serious lesson.

I continue to work out practical routines with Austin, as he's in full swing at El Camino Community College. He's chosen to set VB aside to focus on studies and soccer perhaps. He's trying to "find himself", while looking for a second job and searching for scholarships. So much responsibility falls to me........

Logan and i regularly talk about the atmosphere here, the desire for "refreshing" in this very dry climate, and the options we continue to have. We're in it together; neither of us are going to give up..... yet.

"I Dare You To Move." Switchfoot lyrics

Compromise.

Ever since coming to California, the test for each of us has been to stay true to who we are and not allow compromise to kick in. There is such a seducing spirit in the area of LA that can draw anyone in and make you aimless. You come with a dream and lose sight because of "lifestyle." I wonder how many are lost..........

I literally feel out of touch with the rest of the world in this "South Bay Bubble" and not even care quite honestly. People just do their own thing. That's not me; however, and not where I come from. I make it my business to stay informed and keep my connections flowing. I care about what's happening in the world.

I brought the kids west almost a year ago and this place feels as it did then; it's just a place to live, train and play. It is not a place that feels settled, but a space people are just passing through. The idea of home and family feels very distant even though ours is mostly together because of this "bubble."

Most homes in this bubble, even the smallest and outdated, are selling for $400K plus. Everyone knows it's crazy but all seem to participate. You get the least possible for a ton of money. Investors, foreigners, the famous, and wealthy families seem to be the few that can afford to call the area "home."

Yes, there's surface beauty but also a feeling of survival, as if someone is out to get you at any given time. Whether a traffic ticket, an untrustworthy "friend", or someone in your social circle, lying to your face is common place. I learned the hard way a few months back......... in a confrontation with a native Californian. This past year has been about more life lessons.

We continue to be ourselves from back East, without compromise, and remain very different from the crowd. Being bi-coastal may be closer than I think. 
As hard as I have to work, we will remain "untouched"................

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