Happies.

As Logan, Chynna and I drove cross country in our Toyota Corolla almost ten months ago, there was a song that somehow moved to the top of our playlist. " The song is called "The Pursuit of Happiness"...........

I think of happiness tonight after a day spent at a beach nearby, watching the water. Seeing five dolphins swimming with the waves was something I had never seen before. There have been many new experiences in my life, some really good, and others very hard.

Loss has precipitated my growth and the kids, in leaps and bounds; in part, because of purpose, and the rest is intention. I choose to take the good from the bad, and glean so I can gain........

By exposing myself and the kids to a new lifestyle, we learn even more what to appreciate, and what is worth the work.

Logan was able to join Team Rockstar and attend the USA v. Russia VB game at CSLB in the pyramid. To see players like Clay Stanley and Reid Priddy among the crowd was really cool, as well as hang with high caliber coaches. His club director Matt Fuerbringer is an assistant coach to the team.

Living here, it's commonplace to attend activities like this. For us, it is absolutely amazing, but we've learned not to take things for granted. There is always something to do or some place to go. We still pick and choose what is possible for financial reasons, but so thankful when it's affordable.

We celebrate Logan's birthday tomorrow with a club tournament at ASC, where my two are also reffing. Jordan continues his path, now in a new place in the Bernal Heights area of SF. He has learned to travel lightly, live simply, but is now ready to feel "settled," in a good way:)

From an outside perspective it may look as if good things simply come and we're prospering in this new place; however, it's taken a strong mental game to start over. I thought I knew what it was to be happy..........

"The attitude of a champion, the heart of an athlete, and the mind of the winner is all that is necessary for success....." Logan Gehman

Dependents.

When my husband passed on unexpectedly, the one thing staring me in the face was the issue of dependency. I was with him since age 17; he was ten years older and always seemed wiser. I automatically care for.

As I now faced my future alone, I knew there would be a radical shift from how I had spent the past 25 years. I did not feel ready..... I honestly still don't. I really have no choice but to shift my perspective into a healthier one. This has been an ongoing process for me........

It's taken me six months here in Southern Cal, but I've come to accept things with ease, more than I used too. While I learn what it's like to be independent at my age, my daughter is as well. Beginning this weekend, she should be settling in with a roommate, in a rental place of her own. She's already taken half the closet with her:/

My family reminisced on this day, marking what would've been my "special" nephew Skyler's 18th birthday. He passed on just 17 months after his Uncle Doug, much to our surprise. I so clearly remember the day of Skyler's birth, and the days leading up to it. They were traumatic to say the least. His prognosis was dire, but we knew better..... and he lived for 17 years.......

Skyler was dependent on his parents, family, teachers, and caregivers for his care while on earth. But, in hindsight, we were the ones who came to depend on him...... his smiles, giggles, sense of humor, and funny phrases or sounds.

It is in his memory and in honor of his life I say Happy Birthday Skyler. I know where you are and can guess what you're doing........ you were a great teacher to us all.

"Never say never, because limits, like fears, are often just an illusion....."
Michael Jordan

Exponentially

2014 is proving quite revealing thus far, as authenticity stands out from the arrogance saturating a culture. Humility is empowering.......

I am blessed to have a few in my life who support us when needed and and connect with my vision unfolding. I think I am becoming more comfortable (or desperate) in accepting help I am offered when needed. To be here and do this, support and endorsements are necessary.

It was never a matter of my pride preventing my acceptance of "help" offered, but more the motives behind the "offers." A gift is not free when given with strings attached, obligations and expectations... .... and too high of a price to pay. I will not sell my soul.

There will always be some sort of sacrifice, in every aspect of life, as it was since the beginning of time. My late husband's sacrifice in life is helping to provide for our future existence, one we thought he would be part of. I really wish he'd still be here..... but I know he's watching.

My search for new health insurance coverage is pressuring me and comes at the worst possible time ever, but coverage will drop soon because of our relocation process. I also plan to attempt my driver's license asap, to obtain residency. Another "test" to pass.....

Getting a new auto insurance policy in order to cover the two boys and renter's insurance in place, sooner than I had hoped. I could never do this without the kindness of others. Every time I have spoken to a friendly rep from Cali companies, I'm told "welcome to California" and each wishes me well.

Good news coming from Chynna's court as she's got a full time job lined up for the near future, close by, and in her field of study:) Several small openings have also come her way as a chance to earn an income which we are very thankful for:)

The thing we search for after loss is stability. When everything you've ever known is taken away suddenly, it takes a while to find your footing. For some, it takes longer than others, and some never, ever find it again.
I chose to create as stable of a situation I could, in spite of being scared stiff for financial reasons.

Either my faith is growing exponentially or I'm becoming even more naive as I mature:) It's a time to remain in motion because "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."