Sometimes doing what is necessary for the sake of another has to be one of the toughest things ever undertaken. There's uncertainty in the letting go...... what lies ahead..... and of course, when free will is involved, the greater the risk and impact.................

Perhaps in losing my very personal and protected relationship of 25 years, I was jarred into a new reality.... and remedy for life. I now do not hesitate to embrace the change that needs to happen; I know I am not normal but hopefully helpful:)

As we enter our second school year in Redondo Beach, it's becoming apparent the sacrifices of the first, will prepare for the next. It's already shaping up to be a better year than last for Logan, and it's only the second day. He has learned so much.......... as have I.

I've been told by friends back home I should never play poker..... that's changed:) I know I need to be here to advance in many areas in my life, including business, personal, physical and most of all, mental. When taken out of your comfort zone, accelerated growth can happen, even in your 40's.

After our loss, I went from managing my household for 20+ years, into the workforce, in less than 5 months. Talk about change..... struggle...... and suffering, but I knew the time and opportunity were right. I had to go for it. I was given a position at a Prudential in southeastern PA and my new journey would begin.

There were times when tears were triggered, or emotions expressed in the office; I had so much to figure out and try to hold it all together...... I could've run away from the change, but I stayed. Because I did, I am only beginning to see those rewards.......

Sometimes you just have to go for it....... and ask yourself, what have you got to lose?

"I’m just a believer, That things will get better
Some can take it or leave it, But I don’t wanna let it go"
Believer by American Authors

I've come to realize this is really my anthem at this point in my life and very much so. It seems that loss has accelerated a belief that I have never, ever attained before. Yes, fear and frenzy assaults my soul but at my core, in my gut, I know what the future can hold.....

I left a 5 BR, hand built home by my late husband, in the southeastern portion of Pennsylvania for this belief. My home and land compares to the size of a park here in southern Cal. where prices are exorbitant for the quality and quantity of the purchase made. My curiosity is peaked; I'm going to do some digging.

When I spend time in the gym, on the court or the sand watching the kids, my commitment is reaffirmed. Logan's first beach match to get rated with the CBVA is this weekend. Just as with grass doubles, you get rated in beach and move up the ranks. The highest is the AVP tour.

Austin's placement tests went very well today with more to finish next week for community college. His start date is mid May; details to work out with public transport and timing; thankfully, Chynna is able to help facilitate the plans. She continues to plan a future beyond college classes. She's reffing Qualifier matches for girls at the L.A. Convention Center this weekend.

Jordan found a room to sublet in the Mission District in SF for the month of April. I need to buy a place there and rent a few rooms out:) He continues to excel in his work and trust God to direct his paths.

I am giving myself a deadline to finish my first book, or at least have ready to edit:) My current position at Prudential CA is perfect. So many ideas have been coming to me since coming here which is what I had hoped for. My House of Secrets blog will be expanding to incorporate very important issues facing our youth. I will be sharing this shortly. Please continue to pray for me.......

Heroes of the faith...... "were all people still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance..... people such as this show they are looking for a country (home) of their own. If they had been thinking of the country (home) they had left, they would have had opportunity to return.

Instead, they were longing for a better country (land and promises) a heavenly one, of eternal value. God has prepared a city for them." The Faith Chapter

I can relate. Goodnight.