Investing in Life.

Most days, as we go on in our lives in this new place, we rarely take the time to remind ourselves of where we have come from. There are glimpses, but unless I stop, reflect, and speak the progress out loud, it's easy to forget. There is no one here that remembers..........It is my job to remind.

There are no reference points, no moments in time to refer back to except those that have marked the last 14 months. As we continue to put our faith in the God we believe in, with His Spirit moving us along, we are moving faster than I expected. Time frames are flexible and we remain fluid.........

Since our loss, it seems we are learning faster and more furiously than ever. I have never seen or experienced anything like this; it is inexplicable. Perhaps this is what redemption feels like........ your background, history, choices, or mistakes don't matter. We all are offered a fresh start, at any point. Mine happened to come after a loss.......

We spent part of the day with Logan's HS Beach Team for Redondo in competition. Logan and partner Sean-Michael came up with a big win which will allow them to play in a special Doubles Competition next week. This was a very good day.

This sport brings us back to center, and ironically, keeps us grounded. It serves as a reminder........ the only familiar thing. While some may be self serving in their desires, I hope to use this as a platform.........

Chynna began classes, in preparation for her next phase..... as a personal trainer. We caught a glimpse of this a few years ago, and now with her business degree, coaching opportunities, the time feels right to pursue it. She has a few "followers" already, wanting her training.

Undergoing a transformation often happens during a transition time, between the time of "coming and going." This is definitely not the easiest season to be present in because of the "seed sowing", hard work, gut wrenching decisions, and painful process it takes. But in the end, the harvest will be worth it......

"Where you invest your love, you invest your life."

Uncovering hidden treasures.

I imagine Paul, the Apostle, was quite a charismatic man and persuasive for sure. We know that early in his life he was passionate and misguided, and as a result, many paid for his "mistakes." Lives of good men were lost.... taken, really. There was heartache and pain, which had to leave many good people asking the question, "why."

It was during a certain season in his life, however, that he had an encounter on a road called Damascus. The time came when God in heaven decidedhe could not let Saul (later Paul) continue on as he had been. The thing he had found fulfillment in for many years was now being challenged........

I think much of life can be lived in such a way where we can go on and do the same thing daily, unless challenged to change.... something, even just one thing. I find I have fewer and fewer excuses since my loss...... most times the control is in my hands, but the will to follow through is weak.......

We can be on the worst path possible but refuse to change a thing because of ignorance or obstinance. I have seen the paths to self destruction, or deception, all too clearly, as many make themselves vulnerable and open up to me. "Life can be lived either way, but for me, I'd rather try and fail, than never try at all." (source unknown)

Our local HS closes down for the Jewish holiday, so Logan has off the next few days. Beach practice continues, with a chance to lift at The Yard in Hermosa Beach, where famous athletes train. Austin's fighting a cold but was able to turn on his charm and got hired for a second job today! Another job serving at a local restaurant:)

Chynna has plans to expand her "business" in the coming days, so more details to come. And Jordan is once again "house hunting" or looking to sublet a room which is getting a bit old now. Housing and real estate really sucks here, in spite of what you may hear. Great for profiteers, bad for common people..........

And for me, "my purpose is that you are encouraged in heart, united in love, so that you may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order to know the mystery of God.... in whom are hidden treasures of wisdom and knowledge......" Colossian 2:2

I am making this my growing mission. Imagine the possibilities....... watch for more of my blog, coming soon.....

 

Exponential love.

In a land where the rate of separation and divorce is some of the highest in our nation, over 50%, and relationships are trivialized, I will share with you cherished thoughts from a very close friend. It is poetic and prophetic (future oriented) in nature.

"People don't love with their whole hearts.... it's like they don't know how. They don't know what real love is. What true love is.... True love is showing love to everyone you meet. That is love. It is spilling over to every person you meet so that they can feel love in you. It is being love for someone. It is epitomizing love because love is at your core. That is what Jesus did and is a glimpse of what we are to become........"

 

Separation is sweet sorrow.

If a separation from a partner occurs, whether in love, loss, or life, there is an automatic emptiness. The one who occupied the place of existence is no longer present, and there are countless things to walk through.... and work through. Both require motion at a time when it's easiest not to "move."

These few years after losing my partner have flown by and as it turns out, I'm managing far more separated than I did together. I often waited on him for answers, decisions, and actions. It now is all mine to tackle. Knowing who to go to for help, and better yet, getting a good response has allowed me to grow immensely.

Many years ago I joked that I would one day manage a "growing empire," and most days, if feels as if I'm being groomed........

We continue to evaluate my 19 year old's choices for his future, as he's at a crucial age in decision making and debt. As a single mom, I am the co-signer on college loans and so, every decision becomes an important one. It has to be thought out, well planned, and properly executed. 
As frustrating as it can be, I remain committed to helping him find his way through and into a prosperous future.

In the next few months, my daughter's student loans are going into repayment which requires us to be ahead of the game yet again. Plans need to be made and budgets taken into consideration. I have spent more time on the Sallie Mae website and consulting a financial friend the last few weeks than in the past few years...... I am forcing myself to understand the whole process..... even though I could shut down my brain.

Tonight Logan and I spoke with a recruiting company in which we can put valuable tools in place for him to be found and considered as a student/athlete. I saw new life in him, hope for the hard work he's put in many years. I am again, committed to his process in every way; I can't afford to be tired................

While I share with you the "realities" regularly faced, I also testify to the goodness of the God I believe in Him. Days when I feel I can't read another paper or answer another email, I somehow find the strength and determination to do so.

The tough times, dry days, and weeks you may spend wondering what "life" is all about...... you should know that if your heart is willing, He will use everything in your present to prepare you for your future....... it is an amazing sight to behold as His glorious plans continue to unfold........

Sweet dreams to all.

Memories aren't about the past.

In chatting with a coworker Friday on her upcoming vacation, I discovered her family is making a trip to the East Coast. While asking her questions on their itinerary, I could feel my heart leap when she talked of the Liberty Bell, Philly cheesesteaks, Whoopie Pies,the Liberty Bell, and our rich history.

Until coming so far from where we began, I did not realize how strong and deep our connections were....... and are. They are electric, exciting, and...... energizing. Had we not arrived in the South Bay, that realization may never have happened.

Logan and I spent another half day at Dockweiler Beach, as he competed on the Redondo Beach team; having his sis along was a treat:) Their team had a very successful day as we are midway through this season now, and one full year on the beach as a player under his belt.... or boardshorts 

This 17 year old's schedule primarily consists of training, conditioning, beach play, schoolwork, and an occasional video game. Not the norm. Driving is at a minimum until age 18 for a variety of reasons I won't bore you with, but the lifestyle is so different anyway. Waiting to drive around here is not a big deal...........

Perhaps I'm used to a faster paced lifestyle than the norm, but most days I get more thrills out of managing my rentals than making lunch plans. I know a few were concerned that being in SoCal would "change" me, but not a chance. If there are any differences, they are for the better... I am more determined than ever...........

I'm not for living in the past but I am drawing strength from my memories. If you can't feel, what's the point..... memories aren't just about the past, they can change your future. A few thoughts I have from lines in the movie "The Giver", I saw last night with my 3 kids, a rare occurrence.

I came away, knowing what I must do next.................. Cross Over.

The Sweetest Thing.

At the beginning of the summer 2014, my daughter stated that in this next season we would begin "to see the realization of all our dreams." Even though a big, bold statement made as a declaration, I believed it to be true......... and I was speechless.

No one can prepare you for sacrifice, whether you're creating a business, starting a family, moving cross country, training for an athletic event.... or losing a loved one. Unless immersed in the purpose, you will likely miss the meaning. You must prepare to be aware or all is done in vain.......

As I reflect on the last 7 years of my life, I knew I was in "training;" for what, I did not know exactly. An unplanned pregnancy, a horrible miscarriage which led into depression; one business began, while another ended, and many more changes undergone in this period of time. I wondered how I would live through it, let alone make it.

The one thing I kept in my mind and heart was the belief that this was not in vain. I knew beauty would come from pain and I would ultimately gain. The irony of loss... and redemption. When I actually adopted this understanding, my whole life was impacted...... and so was the life of my kids........

Those dreams coming to life I've held dear for many years may not be the plans I have laid out. More than likely, "as above, so below" and we will embrace and adopt a greater purpose for our lives; a platform for the taking. I know there is so much more to come than we could even think or imagine awaiting...........

As we quickly approach November 4, I feel as if our 3 year "season of sacrifice" will lead us "home".........

"The Sweetest Thing." U2

Water is life.

For anyone who knew my late husband, you probably remember him to be filled with boundless energy. He went hard until he dropped, literally, into bed, at night. That was really the only thing that slowed him down. I wondered how he could do it; something had to energize him.

I've pretty much dropped into my bed this week, zapped of energy, not from working "hard", but feeling drained......

Because of the magnitude of our loss, I find myself less tolerant of wasting time, and more conscious of the time I spend on people, places, or things. I know I don't want to feel drained for nothing. I want to feel energized, and this is supposed to be a creative place........

Truth is, the creativity flows when there's LIFE. "In the beginning God 'created'...." He began with something that was empty, and dark, and had no form or shape, but the Spirit hovered over the waters and thus it all began. When there is no 'water", there is no LIFE........

After a full year, we have now experienced every season in SoCal. and there is little that changes here overall. Big surprise to me. With most everything remaining the same, you would never know there is "change" upon the country elsewhere.

Holidays are less festive and easily forgotten without a seasonal change. It's crazy. The atmosphere, environment and surroundings really do create the overall feel of celebration, creation, and declaration or not.

Jordan returns from a corporate gathering held in Las Vegas early in the week. A highlight of the week was a helicopter ride to see the Grand Canyon, hence the picture below:) To say he was treated well is an understatement. He continues to stand out and be recognized as a leader, creator, and designer in his field. I continue to be very impressed........ and grateful.

We all continue to grow here, in His favor, grace, obedience and love. Lord willing, we will create with imagination and abounding energy..... from the life we have been given.

"Salvation spring up from the ground."

Imagining and innocence.

Imagine a town where any which way you turn, trust cannot be found.......a place where everyone seems to have an angle....... this is not fiction but reality found. Even my business savvy, wise and well traveled friend John has never encountered anything like this.......

Keeping innocence during daily life and difficulties should show strength of character and the depth of hope in a person. I am determined to retain ours, even on days when a few tears are shed, not in mourning, but because of what is missing here....... if they only knew.............

I am in for a few important transitions as I plot our course for the next few months. The first year+ here, was all on me...... now, it seems, I may receive some "aid." I continue to let myself be stretched and impressed by my friend John's, willingness to stretch with me:) Sharing vision for the future.......

I became accustomed in less than 3 years since his passing to feeling like I have to do "everything" myself. It happened suddenly but has felt like forever. In marriage, I became cautious of letting myself count on my late husband because of all the demands on his time..... and I'd be left disappointed.

Now, I proceed more cautiously in some ways, and am slowly allowing John to "help" me. He is far more wonderful than I could ask for, and I am learning to adapt, accept and trust, without the fear of loss in my heart.......

If my innocence is tainted, my whole perspective can be colored. My life story can take a different course. History will be altered for myself and my children. When skepticism enters, perception becomes skewed. I honest to God have fought to maintain purity of heart.....in order "to see God." (The Sermon on the Mount)

My children and I are on the same page going forward. We know what we have to do............. and expect to see some pretty amazing things:)