"Over the course of my life and in my younger days, I began to notice cycles and patterns beginning to surface after I married. There was unidentified pain I felt and I did not know why. I was told the first year of marriage can be challenging, so I chalked it up to that. However, issues and emotions I struggled with had roots that went deep down.....
Read morePossess Your Pain
"I remember many years ago I returned home from the hospital, after suffering a horrendous loss. In the 5th month of an unplanned pregnancy of our 5th child, I suffered a miscarriage. After delivering this tiny, perfect human, my blood pressure drastically dropped and frankly, I was close to death from internal bleeding. It seems incomprehensible to me.......
Read moreInadequacies and Opportunities
"In my many years of living, there have been countless times I have felt inadequate; moments when I have wondered if I have what it takes to deal with life when tragedy strikes, success comes, or any type of change comes that I could not possibly foresee.
Read moreA new view on loss
"I have been a strong proponent of the belief that "all things work together for good" meaning, there is a reason tough stuff happens that does not seem to make any sense. Dealing with this suffering and loss firsthand, on multiple counts, gives me a pretty good idea of what I speak....."
Read moreEmptiness and Increase
"Holidays can bring about a hollowness...... even if you may not feel it, I think many can identify with my words. We see those sentiments regularly reflected on social media sites, reminding us to pause and reflect upon those whose hearts may be heavy over special holidays we have just celebrated........ we remember those who are missing...... nothing can fill the voids."
Read moreMy first book released!
"On 11-11 and what would've been my late husband's 57th birthday, I am releasing the link to my first book!"
Read moreTaking flight.
Another Friday night passes and I'm doing what I often do - packing. This time it is not for a volleyball tournament the next day, but rather a flight home:) It feels a little bit like I am currently caught between two seasons in life and need the proper "preparation" for each place.........
The quest for independence has been an uphill battle. When one is used to living under the care or concern of another, whether a parent's watchful eye or partner in life, it is a very big adjustment to gain the gravity to hold your on. I was always taken care of, not in a life of "luxury" but with loyalty......
I now ponder the proper way to provide care for my growing kids, who want independence but are not able to be independent. When conflicts arise amongst us, I feel the same internal stress that hassled me in my marriage. I just want to be free.
Chynna and Austin will be roommates while we are away and until he flies home for the holiday, lol. I would rather spend the days with all my kids but I can't make it all work. She and Jordan will do volunteer work and hang here for a long weekend. Holidays here are not as special as we are accustomed to back East. To say Logan is excited is an understatement:)
Austin was serious about job applications this week and through online apps and in person, he made a lot of contacts. His future remains very fluid and we will see what opens up. He needs to get back home and out of this aimlessness.........
"Our survival instinct can prove to be our greatest source of inspiration."