Mid Life.

As I reconnected with a few friends from my Berkshire Hathaway real estate office in the east, I felt as if I never left. It is quite amazing to be part of a community that cares about each other. This is the life I have come to know........... and need.

I don't think I am having a midlife crisis, but I am simply continuing to "find myself" in my mid 40s. Lol. Everything is new and different. New relationships and reconnecting, challenges and changes; these words are not often equated with midlife, or so I thought.

It's not that I don't long for the way things were, I fight those feelings most everyday. I can get stuck in the mire of self pity with moments of despair, but God has special friends in my life that can help lift me out, pull me forward and is what a meaningful life is all about...........

There has been some anxiety in our return as you can imagine, setting things up, moving things forward, but thankfully, we are underway. If I would let myself think about the "what ifs", I never would have done anything "after death." I am looking to trade anxieties for adventures:)

Last night Logan set foot on a VB court in our home territory for the first time in a week. He returns to his Club Lehigh team with great anticipation to play with the guys he's grown up with, and coaches he's known for several years. His first tournament on the east coast is this weekend:) He's home.........

We've been working, filing, cleaning and unpacking some things, while the west coast kids are now living on their own. I'm again talking late at night, as I was less than 2 years ago, and looking a bit harried for Face Time. So far, so good with Chynna and Austin sharing a place, working, gym time, and planning ahead. Jordan, as always, makes me laugh.........

I think I've returned from L.A. a little bit more open, honest, caring and sharing..... if you can imagine that!

"All things work together for my good."

Can I be happy?

Portions of Psalms 23 have come to life for me and even become quite precious in the last 3 years...... it's as if when hearing these poetic words, I feel the restoration meant for my soul....... and I know there are times of refreshing. Today was one such day.

While my family was tested by extraneous circumstances this past week and particularly last night, I often have a knot in my stomach when uncertainties arise. But then, as if to counteract the negative, there is an automatic response I now also have....... there is no flight, ONLY flight in me.....

I did not stare hell down through hardship simply to turn and flee, when the enemy of my soul attempts to do damage to those I love and the communities I care about. Speaking life is now my mission; THAT is the gift SoCal has given me..... and I have paid a price to get here.

I said farewell to my new friends at Prudential CA in Hermosa Beach today, soon to be Berkshire Hathaway Home Services. The name will be changing in a week, as well as the location, and after wrestling with God this Fall, I knew another change was on the horizon for me. I had to face it head first........

After training a new girl to take my hours and position there, I am now super excited to begin the next phase of my personal journey! Through this office, I have met so many interesting people who I now call "friends", to which I will be forever grateful. My manager, Mistydawn, gave me a chance........ and I thank you so much:)

I have been asked by the man closest to me if I can be "happy", to which I have replied in the past, "I don't know when or how...... or if" some days. That has been my honest answer; however, in seeking to follow the perceived will of God for my life, I remain hopeful.

John has been nothing but patient, kind, and supportive..... I am super blessed. The future will flourish and you will be fascinated...........

Goodness and love ARE meant to follow me (and you), and I think I may be finding just that..........