The father's business

No matter the amount of time that passes, I continue to see the residue of the resilience it takes to snap back after tragedy. It seems to settle on every area of the soul. I need every ounce of it I can muster.

As we all settle back in here. there remains a very transitory feel to our family, as my oldest kids are concerned with advancing their careers. The feelings that they do not need to follow in their father's footsteps are for real. I want each to have their own lives........ I don't make demands.

Ours is a family business but one founded when their father was alive; now, we ask ourselves where do we go; what do we do. How do we practically move on, given the demands on time, desires of the heart, and definite financial needs. It is a conundrum I need answers to........

It is with this in the forefront that I, honest to God, have to keep pushing. With a only a few hours to go, I will have finished up my 14 hour online course to renew my PA real estate license. And I have to begin to make money. The ball will be set in motion on Monday.

Austin's first day on the job at a restaurant in Exeter began today, while the two boys tackled rental projects. I spent 8 hours at the place tenants abandoned, as Chynna planned her "boot camp" workout for Oxyfit gym, beginning next week. We are all working so hard........

As always, thank you for your continued prayers and support. Our dreams live on, with faith we can make each a reality. It may require some supernatural intervention from God, but that's what He is good at. 
And a big thanks to John, who continues to provide practical help, such as changing a pressure valve fitting at my house, to hands on help at my rental.

"May the odds be ever in our favor."

Frozen.

It was Logan and me, working together again, LOl. While we're shoveling, the other kids are shipping stuff, and trading pics of snow versus sand. It was an adventure to get out for gas to run the snowblower, which Logan handled well.

We moved me into my master bedroom and bath today, which gave me a bit of anxiety....... going back into a room I desperately want to renovate, mostly due to memories. Acclimating and assessing needs takes time we do not have because we have to adapt quickly, as is life for many.

It seems we will need two beds as soon as possible, or else someone's going to be sleeping on the floor again and it won't be Logan this time! We made headway in the attic, clearing a path, and seeing mostly items of sentiment up there:) It's nice to be back home.

My kids may each want to pursue their own possibilities which has happened over a period of time, but for now, they know they need to return. Their mother cannot keep up this current schedule and responsibilities on my own. I never have "down time", as I learn to deal with so many demands.

This lifestyle does not make room for a lot of "lovin" which causes a lack of patience by others:/ I am taking the path of David, the psalmist and King, who spoke to his own soul; the seat of his emotions. Much like he did, I must build myself up daily, when the onslaught of "how's" or "why's" come into question.

I had no idea how the two of us were going to get our driveway taken care of, but together we did it. It took a spirit of adventure to do so, but we risked it. David, who was just a young shepherd, had the calling to kingship and made sure to keep his soul aligned with his purpose. 
The uncertainties can't always be my problem; I just have to cooperate with a God who can make things happen........ and in a hurry.

Keeping it real in snow covered southeastern PA.

Shaken to freedom.

Perhaps because I have reached midlife along with many around me, or as the result of the road I have traveled, but life is not exactly how I pictured it would be. In this delicate economy and fragile state of our soul, it seems that anything can happen at any given point in time...........

I think we all can feel it or sense it; if not, you might be living in La La Land, literally, lol. I'm reminded the Word says anything that "can be shaken will be," and I know personally, I have felt the tremors. The idea of shaking means something IS going to give way; somehow, in someway, it will move......... or I will. 

During the times I am shaken is when I need to hold on the most and know I will soon be free, if I do not fear. The shaking is meant to bring me closer to freedom. For those who sought freedom in ancient days, life got harder before it got better. But one of the first things God called them to do in order to be free...... was to MOVE. 

Putting yourself, a plan, or relationship in motion is probably one of the hardest things to pursue. It requires thought, inspiration, and more motivation than we often have in ourselves or our faith. It is then that we must reach out to others to help us walk the journey.........

 Today I was blessed once again to be back east, to hang with my mom and nephew Aidan at breakfast while the Godshall family gathered Miah and their things to head home:) To be here to help out, support and encourage is priceless to me......... things that could shake us will serve to make us stronger. 

Hebrews 12 talks about the endurance needed at points in life when giving up and giving in, seems like the easiest thing to do.  We can never give up, ever. Freedom is worth the journey................

P.S. Happy Birthday our beautiful Ava Joy Anders!

Teach me how to pray.

I find myself, on this Monday, asking the One in heaven in whom I trust, just "how to pray." I am a person who believes the best in people of all kinds, and sees the potential in any type of person. However, after being immersed in a culture so contrary to anything good I have ever known, I am asking for heavenly wisdom............. I believe for the best, yet see much of the worst.

When this happens in life, how I choose to handle it, reveals my character, and what is deep down inside my core. Perhaps some say"change your attitude" or it's a "matter of perspective" but I have found there may be a purpose for me to be in the middle of this mayhem...... so I can see what God sees.......... is there redemption I ask ............

Chynna's fever was gone for most of the day, until late afternoon. I'm trusting she will turn around quickly and be able to pursue her activities asap. The realities of paychecks or the lack thereof hit home, in order to make her budget work. I have been busy since leaving my job.........

After having 3 rental homes vacated within a few weeks of each other, I have been able to find tenants for each, with more calls, texts, and emails to return. Thankfully, the demand continues and my support back home from John Hayes and the Godshalls enables me to be here for now........

I'd like to say I have little to no stress with it all, but that's not really true depending on how others try to treat me. I have had hassles since Doug's death, no doubt about it:/ Whether it is here or there, I have chosen not to compromise my heart. "I die daily." 
Connections may get you places; status is sought after in SoCal, but we remain committed.......... to people and hearing His will.

We came here, hoping and wanting to make a difference; I know that is happening...... in the realm we cannot see. In life as we know it everyday, I'm not so sure....... when I know someone is hurting or needs help, I reach out; however, it's as if there is a cavalier attitude I am not acquainted with.......... there's little to no depth to deal with difficulties. I still don't know what to do with this fact, or how to react, 14 months after moving..... it is insanity.

Tonight Logan returns to the court and practice with MB Surf. I will be watching...... and learning. Courage. Strength. Heart. Soul.

"The soul absorbs trauma, but the spirit is able to ascend it." my quote. 
Let's keep rising.