The evolution of emotions.

Transition. A passage of time; a change in energy level, a movement or connection. Finally, a period of time in labor prior to the delivery or birth of new life. Each of these indescribable moments in time, easy or difficult, are meant to produce meaning, from the evolution of emotion.

In the past 3 years I went from feeling somewhat settled in life, into this transitory time, undergoing physical, emotional, and mental change at an exponential rate. I don't know quite where I'll end up, but I know it will be better than the place I began.........

My kids are impressed I am actually working out on my own, after making the mental shift over the summer that I am worth it. As I look at each of them, I am continually challenged by who they are and how they have been untouched by this idea of "image" in the land of vanity and insanity...

Jordan and I continue to connect on deeper levels as we dare to dream of expanding my blog and network of resources to help others......... He now has the knowledge, having lived in SF 18 months, to enable our growth on the web. As for me, my commitment remains firm. It is the time to write.

Perhaps it makes no sense to let go of a position at a realty firm which paid a little, but every little bit helps, right? As a widow and single woman, I need everything I can get. However, I came to the point where my faith was becoming futile....... I have to take action and answer the call on a greater level, and trusting for a financial overflow........

Tomorrow, a fresh focus.

Hope.

Mother's Day one year ago, I knew my role as a mom would shift to a new level. Within weeks of that day, we were planning a move. As Sunday, May 11 approaches, I can feel another change is on the way...........

As a mom and woman, I never tried to take the place of their dad's absence, or insert myself into his position; nor be the mom who micro-managed their lives. I just try to be myself.....

I'm not sure what this transition will look like, but I'm definitely challenged by this phase in life, as a single female. I came here for my kids and now I'm setting aside time to further examine why I am here. If I'm not intentional about it, I'll miss it.

The opportunities many see as "normal", having grown up here, my kids see as incredible. What some take for granted, others sacrifice so much to be part of........ with the nice weather and lifestyle, it feels like we're in a bubble sometimes.

I've decided to begin "training" for myself, as I absorb the many changes my body has undergone in 2 1/2 years ..... physically, mentally, emotionally, and economically. I need to take stock of my "worth and value" and figure out how to invest in myself...........

Chynna played her first Open Beach VB tournament in beautiful Laguna Beach, and with a partner from FL she met while training with USA VB. Going from the top levels in Grass Doubles back East to a beginner at beach has been a change, but she is excited to learn and loves to train hard. Lord willing, she will find a job that will work with her new schedule, in order to keep up her current lifestyle.

When I was interviewed this week, the pursuit of our dreams was a reoccurring factor in the conversation. When I hear myself saying where we have come from, what we have back home, and where we hope to go, even I can hardly comprehend it. It's very cool when new friends connect to with a dream that remains to be seen......

There really are not too many mothers who could be as supportive as I've found my mom to be:) As I shared the news of our plans to move west with her last July on a trip to FL for VB, I know it wasn't easy to hear. But rather than holding on too tightly, my mom knew what we had to do.....

As I put my pen to paper this week, I accredit her with showing me ways to support my kids and send them out to do what they need to do, which isn't always what's easiest for me. I couldn't ask for someone more good-natured and supportive than my mom:) We love you.

I have countless concerns and endless responsibilities which many mothers feel...... but one thing remains. "This hope I have as an anchor for my soul... both sure and steadfast."

Victory in PV.

You know, there have been a lot of days where there's been "hell" to pay...... 2 1/2 years ago was one of them. If you're on a journey through transition and onto transformation, it probably means like me, you've been there and back many times. But that's okay.....

There are so many uncertainties.... and I can choose to focus on fears or face them down with courage and conviction. I did just that today, as I continue to press for answers regarding getting approval for Austin to live here. I can't say too much more about the situation, but you're getting the picture.

All your comments, support, and love I feel from home and here have been so empowering..... I cannot thank you enough, from the bottom of my heart. We are here for all of you, as much as our dreams......

As we come through another "hell week" here, we do have good news to share... Logan received an invitation from USA VB, to return for transition week in May, as a Beach High Performance Athlete:) He will train on Hermosa Beach next week to see if he can make it as part of an elite team of U19s. We'd been waiting for an email and it came today.... on the 4th:)

We packed up from our comfy, feels like home, hotel and heading to the apartment at noon. Chynna and I took a drive to Palos Verdes or PV as it's locally known, a place of serenity and beauty almost in our "backyard." We talked about her dad......

He was a forerunner for us, having moved to Bakersfield, CA, almost 30 years ago. He worked in a cabinet shop but at some point, decided to return to the East. I suppose he couldn't see a future here for himself, but perhaps prepared the way somehow.... for his family's future.

We know he'd love access to the beach, physical activities, like running, and swimming. I think he'd even try surfing; being physically active and fit was important to him, almost obsessively so. He instilled that importance to his family and the kids are stronger than they've ever been.... in many ways.

My husband was always the "strong" one, physically speaking, but I too, feel stronger now. The irony is that so many things have tried to weaken my will. Since determining to change my patterns, I'm walking more than ever and I feel a mental shift taking place. "Fit for His use." Love you all.

"All This Time"........ One Republic