Dreams do not die.

I had to remind myself today that after our loss, I kept saying "things will settle down." My life, schedule, and activity level picked up at a rapid pace and I honestly thought it was only a matter of time til there was calm. I was wrong because I compared my present to the past and it does not fit.

This new pace would prepare me for the future because there was no way I could move at the pace of the past in the present, but expect to be positioned for my future.......... I have learned a key lesson as it relates to the subject of loss........

Upon returning to Pennsylvania, where there is a misconception of having a "slow paced life", I have set new things in motion. Having been coast to coast, I now know for sure we have the kind of life we create. If you can dream it, you should dare to do it.

As I worked at painting my property and cleaning up for five hours today, and have done this many years prior, it felt like a brand new time and season in my life..... FREEDOM 2015. I will not be a slave to the work any longer, but will make it work for me. I have changed.

I returned home with far more ideas than I left with; my creativity has been multiplied in California, as a result of self reliance and making myself put my faith into action. Challenging yourself to do something new can be invigorating and inspiring, even if done through fear and trembling.......

After the steadfast encouragement from my kids and signs abounding around me, I am taking steps to pursue my real estate career. I thought that idea was dead and buried, but it seems it is being resurrected. I am finding other old ideas, creations, and plans are coming back to life. Perhaps our dreams did not die....... but were simply dormant until NOW.

The financial challenges always face me, particularly as I hear of retirement and vacation plans being formed. I am rebuilding. I am restarting. I am refreshed. I am a work of restoration.......

"He who began a good work in me WILL complete it......."

By faith.

Contrary to belief and what you may be seeing, life here can be light hearted. Sometimes we think we have to go elsewhere to escape the mundane, when goodness is right in our midst...... if we can only find a way to build something, more than what we know.........

I began to contemplate a return home months and months ago, and determined to take the steps necessary in that direction. We learned early on the west was a transitory time; for how majestic the mountains are, the mundane is there as well. The movement has to come from within us......

Over the course of this almost two year period of time, I began to see the toll this transition had taken on all of us. It was in June of 2014 I began to contemplate our "exodus". Whenever you feel enslaved to a system or society, God will always be a way of escape......

This would take every ounce of courage I could muster again, as well as my kids. There's a certain pride that comes with being called a "Californian." We had a choice to make. Follow our further calling or protect the pride associated with the statehood.

I believe I will return to the land one day, for a mission, promise and purpose. It's a great place to visit and I'm thankful to hear the kids are doing okay on their own. For now, my path is being laid out for me to follow as a result of obedience. My late husband helped us learn this "by faith" concept.........

We continue in the recruiting process for Logan and college, as he's in his junior year and plans to play volleyball in college. Lately, my nights have consisted of late night coast to coast calls for business, the blog, and for fun just before midnight. It feels longer than 4 weeks that we left them behind...... to obey.

Chynna is receiving lots of affirmation of the job she's doing coaching in Cali. This has been a time of development her knowledge and skills, and reaffirming the call she has on her life.... and there is definitely a difference in the play of the "game."

And who knows where adventure will take us next...........

A window in time.

As I get older and gain more life experience it seems I become a bit more particular with whose company I keep. In years prior, I had a need to please but that too, seems to have died over 3 years ago............... It is okay to be choosy.

Whether economic, of essentials, or everything precious, the "darkness" associated with loss seeks to take up residency in our lives. When this happens, I simply press a little bit more into the heavens....... to hear His plan. The impossible can be provided........... through Light.

I am trusting the Lord on levels I have not had to before. I feel I'm being "led to lead" and L.A. was simply another education for me. Coming back east has been empowering and I needed to be back for several reasons, business and personal. The kids, while there, are preparing for home......

In some ways I may sound naive, but I am quite the contrary. I have an innocence, the kind that the enemy of my soul, has sought to steal from me. The kind of childlike faith that allows me to believe for big things to happen. I have fought to hold onto this courage without compromise.......

Our household is filled with motion and good commotion these days as the Godshalls, Logan, and I are sharing our home. We have supported each other throughout times of despair and discouragement, only to see the light at the end of the tunnel coming.........

Work continues on a rental a tenant abandoned on me, but it is always amazing to see the work of restoration being done..... on more than just the physical home. The potential to see the restoration of lives is at the core of who I am.......... and it has manifested through real estate.

I may have a new venture coming in the industry as I ponder my future, personally and as a business woman. The plan for me is to write and look into publishing in the very near days to come. I have a window of opportunity and a self imposed deadline.........

Take time to nourish your soul with truth and light, as darkness is all around us and seeks to occupy our minds. We cannot afford to sit in confusion. 
Nothing is impossible.

Determination and Drive.

For the past 3 weeks we have been home, there has been at least one school delay weekly. Getting the 5:30 a.m. call is not on my favorite things list; however, Logan's response of "YESSSS!" actually kind of makes it worth it:) He is already pushing me to call for his driver's exam:/

In this first month of the year, even with all the changes, I've jumped right back into living life. I used to think perhaps the 18 month period from May of 2009 to November of 2011, when we literally purchased and renovated 6 homes, was unlike any other time in our lives. Turns out, that was an understatement. We could only do it, because God was in it all.

To the natural eye, we probably looked like we were a bit nuts. Running a remodeling business full time, raising and running around with 4 kids, to maintaining a marriage and household pretty effectively, was not a disadvantage. We were not to feel defeated but elected and determined for our destiny..............

The word alone conjures up all kinds of magical images, fairytale endings, and hopeful happenings. This is all sounds idealistic; "destined for great things...." but it is honestly defined by determination, grit, and "guts over fear." Destiny is built on decisions........

Tomorrow I am making a trip to Quality Roofing to pick up 3 replacement windows for the same said rental home we are working at. I think that's a first for me, and I'm counting on help loading them:) Today I test drove a used vehicle my daughter will be driving when she returns from L.A.

I did the almost unthinkable and left my Ford Escape in Cali with Chynna, while Austin has the Toyota Corolla. I felt I would worry less knowing they were taken care of in this regard. Needless to say, I really like my car:/ I am somehow the one to make the most sacrifices, ha ha. How. Why.

Thanks to my parents for a loaner and always helping out as needed to work through this transition. And my partner John continues to embrace my adventurous side and the ideas I am passionate about. So much more is just around the corner........

Acceleration. Adventures. Options.

Accomplished and Adventurous.

Today was a good day with a familiar feel. Familiarity is okay unless I become too "comfortable" and my curiosity diminishes. I'm sure you know by now that is not the case for me grin emoticon

Since our return there is lots of activity, seen and unseen, set in motion. I get things moving. The time spent in SoCal socially starved me for a long season and the kids can identify as well. My curiosity of the culture kept me persevering and cultivating relationships however, because I never give up.

I found that planning lunch dates, coffee shop, computer work, walking on the beach and the whole "scene" is a bit too boring for me. I like to get my hands around something, as well as my brain, and get to work. Being idle is not inspiring.........

After getting great information Tuesday from the DMV in Harrisburg, PA, Logan and I headed to the local office to apply to renew his Pennsylvania driver's permit! Even though he's had a permit out west, nothing showed up in the system. PA however, remembered him and he was granted a renewal after almost 2 years! This means within a short amount of time, he can be a licensed driver:)

He has sacrificed this part of his life to head to SoCal. Little did we know the complicated process and expensive one to apply for a license there. Hindsight often reveals those details. 
I was also more than thrilled to be dealing with common sense people, who gave me accurate information and were on my side. I received HELP rather than hassles, as I have for almost two years. The east has so much going for us............. and I will continue to speak that truth:)

Following picking up his permit, we set foot in our local Home Depot to make a big purchase of flooring for a rental coming open. The tasks that were so tedious with my late husband I am now overseeing..... and I actually felt......... accomplished.

In the morning I spent over 3 hours working on my own at the rental home, cleaning and scrubbing, and doing the things that have made me........ me. 
All the years of doing the same thing, the right thing, faithfully and together, allow me to go it on my own and know what we need. My help remains in place but I am able to fully engage again.........

It took me leaving the familiar to find myself..... and my youngest has too.

The dream lives.

"And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream....... I have a dream today."

This portion of a speech was made by a man who is always remembered for his quest for freedom, brotherhood, and destiny. He knew each were intertwined and one could not come without the other. There are very few past and present who have the courage to speak in such a way..........

We have few leaders today who sacrifice self for the sake of others..... all because of a "dream." Let alone speak of it......

I believe MLK had a vision of a coming future, and perhaps further away than what he knew. Nonetheless very real. His words still hang in the air of expectation and anticipation. I personally know that freedom is a gift I cannot give up. I cannot be bound by mediocrity or melancholy.

I spent the day sorting through my books of notes, getting organized to write. My focus this week is getting my new tablet ready to roll so I can be more efficient. My techy son Jordan, tires of my requests for help in this area, mostly because I don't want to screw anything new up:)

The time zone differences can really be a problem when trying to talk on both coasts. We're still trying to figure out what works without me staying up until midnight at night. My focus is to write for two months and try to delay any distractions.............. distractions are different than hassles.

As I look at the present and immediate future, I kind of want time to stand still. Life is moving at a rapid pace and even though I'm trying my best, I still feel a "slave" to the impending loss of benefits for my youngest and wondering what I will do. Very real issues are faced by single mothers, particularly widows, years later unsure emoticon

"It is for freedom that Christ set us free" and it is up to me not to become burdened by a yoke of "slavery" again. I don't want to pick up what I have been released from.

Freedom 2015.

Shaken to freedom.

Perhaps because I have reached midlife along with many around me, or as the result of the road I have traveled, but life is not exactly how I pictured it would be. In this delicate economy and fragile state of our soul, it seems that anything can happen at any given point in time...........

I think we all can feel it or sense it; if not, you might be living in La La Land, literally, lol. I'm reminded the Word says anything that "can be shaken will be," and I know personally, I have felt the tremors. The idea of shaking means something IS going to give way; somehow, in someway, it will move......... or I will. 

During the times I am shaken is when I need to hold on the most and know I will soon be free, if I do not fear. The shaking is meant to bring me closer to freedom. For those who sought freedom in ancient days, life got harder before it got better. But one of the first things God called them to do in order to be free...... was to MOVE. 

Putting yourself, a plan, or relationship in motion is probably one of the hardest things to pursue. It requires thought, inspiration, and more motivation than we often have in ourselves or our faith. It is then that we must reach out to others to help us walk the journey.........

 Today I was blessed once again to be back east, to hang with my mom and nephew Aidan at breakfast while the Godshall family gathered Miah and their things to head home:) To be here to help out, support and encourage is priceless to me......... things that could shake us will serve to make us stronger. 

Hebrews 12 talks about the endurance needed at points in life when giving up and giving in, seems like the easiest thing to do.  We can never give up, ever. Freedom is worth the journey................

P.S. Happy Birthday our beautiful Ava Joy Anders!

Miah the Brave.

There are always underlying anxieties when called to face something from the past that makes its presence known in the present. Where there is a history, there are roots. Pulling them up can be tough; cutting them off is rough....... but roots can also keep us grounded.

Stepping back into Children's Hospital of Philadelphia is one of those experiences for our family. This is a place with roots........those of fragile beginnings and precious promises for their firstborn. Only our Miah could take those brave steps back in again...........

My 9 year old niece has a virtue many do not: courage. The opposite of cowardice. Without courage, we can do nothing. Courage is the propulsion needed to make a difference. It is not the absence of peace. One ounce can change your life and cause you to progress.

Texts came this morning from her family of how smoothly the waiting time went and well the surgery went; not perfect but better than the last. Progress. For more on Miah, please see my Profile Page.

Believing in a positive report is what grounds me. I live to hear good news. I am ready to eat, sleep, and breathe it. I know that may sound unrealistic, but when you have lived what I have lived through, you would be ready too! There is a desperation in the nation for it.........

Courage is constantly challenged by questions and inquiries, which is why I put them aside and believe all things will work out.... AND THEN take those necessary steps to see it through. I put faith into action by doing something.

Courage is a commodity. Our kids have it. We need it. Let them lead.

Together Time.

It's official - Logan is back at Brandywine, after a two hour delay this morning, lol. It was kinda weird not to have a snow day while in Cali, no sudden change of plans or schedules that need adjusting. I think we learn a bit of flexibility here, and if not, we should:)

He rode to school with Dillon and as they walked in, all eyes were on them. It was a wonderful homecoming and thanks to the personal touch of teachers and friends who really celebrate the return. There are some connections that are not easily broken.................

As I revisited our family doctor, I was also able to express my appreciation to my family doctor who we've known for 20+ years. The personal care and attention I've received over many years and difficult days is not something I found in L.A. You can't fix anything with appearances only......

When incredible personal pain is felt, it is very natural to lash out at loved ones and burn bridges in moments of haste. Whether for self protection, self preservation, or for one's mental health, fractures happen. There may be seasons to separate, or a time to be together; either way, you have to know what actions are healthy and not done hastily. Give it some time.

My family and I are spending "together time", as Logan and I have moved back into our home in Fleetwood with the Godshalls. My house is of adequate size to hold us all for the time being and it's fun for me to be part of the kids' lives:) All things will work together for good.........

Some of us have had to put our "faith into action" which means my faith has to be fluid, moving, and active. I've had to do something with it, not simply sit in stagnancy. This kind of faith contains substance; it is not superficial. There is backing behind it, strength to support it. It is substantial.

My 9 year old niece Miah Godshall is having her third surgery tomorrow on her cleft palate at CHOP. In an effort to show extra kindness to her and her family, I am asking you to consider sending her a card. I would love to see her smile in the midst of her trial. Thanks for considering it:)

Miss Miah Godshall, 47 Deysher Road, Fleetwood, PA 19522.

Pressure and Perspective.

About this time in January 9 years ago, I delivered a baby who had not survived in utero. In those moments, it was difficult to understand why I would be allowed to suffer so much; there were so many days I wondered why...... 
To think I could now be raising a nine year old son on my own puts a few things into better perspective.

As I drive through the mountains in southeastern PA, the silhouettes of trees and farms with the pink sky behind are quite peaceful. In LA, the mountains were off in the distance. Here, I am on top of a high place......
and want to remain there.

The first part of my plans for returning will begin tomorrow as I find my hideaway and get back to writing. Most of my focus in LA was consumed by troubles..... which taught me a lot. Now to make the most of what I learned.

My California kids also continue to learn life lessons as they make their way on their own, but with my support. Austin is working a regular, steady job, paying down student loans, and contributing to the household. My daughter is readying herself to test for her personal training certification:)

Whether right or wrong, our kids have taken out student loans to pay for college, and hope for scholarship help or aid. We could see a time coming when we'd be able to help more, but those times changed dramatically. There has to be a new way, if the former has passed away.........

This type of pressure weighs on me if I allow it, usually rooted in fears, even when based in my "reality." Truth is, I think the fears come when I live in reality for too long...... and stop believing in dreams.

Nerf battles are becoming an everyday event as Logan takes the lead initiating the games with his cousins.... and Uncle Mike:) Our house is perfect with all its levels and stairways. I bet Doug never imagined such warfare would be taking place in this house....... they have a blast:D

It's getting late and I have conference calls with the kids coming up. Logan's hoping for a two hour delay for Tuesday, his first day back 

Goodnight all.

Unveiling and Unified.

Upon setting my heart to hear the multiples of reasons I have returned to the East Coast, answers are being unveiled...... these first two weeks in this new year will bring about purpose and prosperity. It is a process........

I imagine the chosen people of Israel, upon the revelation they would find freedom, ventured into their "desert" with a bit of fatigue. They had spent 400 years, working and doing the same thing day after day, only to see life getting more difficult, more complicated. They needed empowerment, to realize daily who they were called to be..... meant to be.

The daily cares in life keep us weighed down and enslaved to systems that have become familiar to us. We become afraid to make changes, particularly in this economy. I remember a time when our family began scraping the bottom of the barrel and changes had to be made. After many prayers, our answers came.

The answer however, required we take a big risk.......and so it is today.
We were living with less than we were meant to live, and be. A lot had to be readjusted, particularly in our thinking. Thoughts have roots.

In returning to the east, I am reminded that Pennsylvania seems to have a poverty mentality, as opposed to California, where excess has been established. Both are extremes. I see the needs, I hear the hurts, and I am preparing to help....... please pray.

I know the plans for the next 2 months and beyond that, we will see. We have loose based plans laid out for the kids as well, and beyond that, we will trust. Shaking off those bonds of slavery, everything that has kept me tied up, and finding my freedom in 2015.

"I know the plans I have for you... to prosper you and give you a future," says the Lord in heaven.

Mid Life.

As I reconnected with a few friends from my Berkshire Hathaway real estate office in the east, I felt as if I never left. It is quite amazing to be part of a community that cares about each other. This is the life I have come to know........... and need.

I don't think I am having a midlife crisis, but I am simply continuing to "find myself" in my mid 40s. Lol. Everything is new and different. New relationships and reconnecting, challenges and changes; these words are not often equated with midlife, or so I thought.

It's not that I don't long for the way things were, I fight those feelings most everyday. I can get stuck in the mire of self pity with moments of despair, but God has special friends in my life that can help lift me out, pull me forward and is what a meaningful life is all about...........

There has been some anxiety in our return as you can imagine, setting things up, moving things forward, but thankfully, we are underway. If I would let myself think about the "what ifs", I never would have done anything "after death." I am looking to trade anxieties for adventures:)

Last night Logan set foot on a VB court in our home territory for the first time in a week. He returns to his Club Lehigh team with great anticipation to play with the guys he's grown up with, and coaches he's known for several years. His first tournament on the east coast is this weekend:) He's home.........

We've been working, filing, cleaning and unpacking some things, while the west coast kids are now living on their own. I'm again talking late at night, as I was less than 2 years ago, and looking a bit harried for Face Time. So far, so good with Chynna and Austin sharing a place, working, gym time, and planning ahead. Jordan, as always, makes me laugh.........

I think I've returned from L.A. a little bit more open, honest, caring and sharing..... if you can imagine that!

"All things work together for my good."