Defending the court.

In preparation for Logan's impending driver's exam, he's been practicing parking on occasion. Today, I became a human cone for him; the things I won't do to see him succeed:/ He's given me a few other suggestions that I've nixed, LOL.

Our trip to Hershey last Friday for the High Performance VB tryout has paid off! Logan is 1 of 12 guys chosen to represent the PA region in a national competition in Des Moines, Iowa this summer. He is one of two Liberos chosen, with his teammate Gabe being the other. So thankful.

This will be his first official title as Libero which he plans to pursue in his college aspirations. His defensive skills were honed by his assistant coach in SoCal, the US National Team Libero Alfie Reft. During a time of testing in this recent season, we continue to hold onto redemption in his life.........

There are seasons in life that are just hard sometimes, and as you know, I felt this a lot in the last two years we traveled. I knew there was a reason for the testing however; there was a transition we all had to make. We made the choice to leap; we chose to take the calculated risks. Had I ever thought I made the wrong decision, those choices would all be in vain......

I know we are all very different people in our returning to the east. I know how important connections are, and how many are just waiting and anticipating............... We make all kinds of excuses as to why we don't do something or we fear it, and those mentalities for us are all gone.........

Our transitory move simply made the way for us which took courage, but once we got there, we had to force ourselves to integrate, innovate, and adapt. I have to believe I have options to see those openings. I must know that I need to make the most of opportunities, and if they are not there, pray for them. They will come..... if I obey His will.

I'm working on income tax prep this week with my appointment coming shortly, looking at my financial situation again, and what my options are. Even though I could be very concerned, I want to rise above it all. I do not want to be held captive by situations that can change suddenly........

Much like Logan's position on the volleyball court, there's a defensive stance that must be taken...... and in life.

He always is ready and prepared for whatever comes, whether easy or hard; he's got to get to where he is needed because a team is counting on him. There's got to be an aggressiveness and authority on the court, associated with the position. There cannot be timidity or a lack of confidence because too much is riding on it. He cannot be willing to give up his "territory," but command it. Trust. Talent. Confidence. Support.

And like with most things I speak of associated with loss, it requires making the first "move........"

The Simple Things.

This weekend contained some big things after I marked what would've been my 27th married year. I feel the connectivity of time as moments are marked in my memory over the years. Where there are few climate changes, time stands still and is stagnant to me.

In spite of this cold, Logan and I are finding adventure in the snow, sometimes "off roading" on the road:) There are weather related hassles everywhere, just for different reasons. Having no water or precipitation is a big bummer, but there's no right or wrong. The sun does not make one superior............. and neither does the snow.

We trekked to Hershey in the cold on Friday and carried a few boxes and totes into my sister's new home nearby, in Saturday's blowing snow! They are very efficient packers and seem to have this down to a science. The bulk of it comes this weekend, but on the way back to my house we found another adventure:)

With Aidan in the backseat and Logan driving, we saw two lost dogs running the street in the snow, with no collars or tags. We couldn't help but try to round them up, so as Logan ran 1/4 mile after them, I followed in the truck. We were finally able to get them to come close. It was a picture!

These two pit bull/boxer dog mixes were the sweetest things and tried to come sit in the front seat with me. After they later jumped into the back, we rounded up the rest of the kids for the remainder of our snowy adventure. It was perfect! I didn't know what I would do with these dogs, but we knew we could not abandon them when they needed help.............

We could have been afraid, fearing their breed and the rumors we've heard but carefully and cautiously we stepped in to help. And so it is with life..... You can't plan such a thing........ or work the time into your schedule........ you just have to fill the need when the time arises........

Just as we mapped out our plan, I turned right onto a road that put me on a path with who I perceived to be the owner. I followed her closely and she was soon reunited with her pet friends. She gave Logan a big hug for helping, as she mentioned to us that most people are afraid to get close because of their reputation........ We are not "most" people.

There is nothing like a fresh coating of snow to revive our senses and make us feel alive and alert. Perhaps it can even awaken our sense of adventure and I think a lot needs waking up around here! Having said that, my daughter has officially announced she's returning to the east and to everything she loves dearly smile emoticon

I think we've tried to appreciate the times, situations, and seasons each have afforded us in life.

Simple moments. Snow falling. Sun shining. Special people. East and West. The countdown is on.

True to myself.

Being true to myself can be an uphill climb.

Just when I think I've reached a place to stop and "rest," I look around and see where I am. It pushes me to keep moving. 
That one step is only temporary and affords few comforts, with little to hold onto; I guess it pushes me to climb higher.................

I find I get tired and want to "settle." Simply because I wish for it to happen, does not mean it has happened, and I push myself a little further. Everything within my soul wants to settle but it does not seem like that kind of season in my life so far.

As I contemplate another road trip which will bring us all back home, I really can't imagine making the journey again. The thing getting me through is the adventure it will be with 3 of my 4 kids. Can't believe I've crossed the country more times in two years than my whole life..........

There's a kind of promised preservation that has come for me through my faith, at least that's how I look at it. I can't always explain it, but I know it. I feel it. I see it. It can be very easily undermined if it isn't protected and I've learned to be vigilant.

My youngest challenges me all the time, not with his words, but his actions. He chooses his battles wisely and counts the costs of his choices. His temperament is a true test of his character, which has always been tested like few others. I am blessed to be part of his life.......

One thing I am counting on is that more fun will return to my life, as the drive from L.A. will begin in 20 days. My kids will remind me to be true to myself, what matters, and my convictions. Imagine, kids challenging their parents. I wonder how many of us actually listen when that happens........

Goodnight. .

Pure love is rare.

I spent a few morning hours doing paperwork, two hours writing my book, and the best hours of the day with my nieces. They somehow find fun in everything they do, even just being together. Their joy inspires me.

I am so privileged to take part in their lives, taking Ava to dance McDonald's and to dance class, along with Olivia. Ava made sure to remind me to watch her and not just talk to Olivia:) 
I live for this stuff. They always ask about when Chynna is coming home, and Ava has decided she will give Jordan 100 hugs and kisses when she's sees him.

Got to spend a little time catching up with their mom, dad, and Baby Dillon too and I always find our commonalities in child rearing and common sense mentalities. I was reminded that family gives to family, or friends, or whoever that may be. For each of us, there may be few or many. Count yourself blessed if you have someone who cares.........

The love chapter is often quoted at weddings and around sentimental events, but it is the daily love in life, faith in action, hands willing to get dirty, that really matters. I can say I have love but without active intent, it is worthless. That is my reality every single day as a widowed woman..........

I know its value and put a lot of weight on its worth. It makes me go out of my way for who, and what, matters. Love causes me to care so much....

Another suddenly has come.

At any given moment in time a suddenly event can change a life. Winning the lottery, losing a life, or living with difficulties each alter how we carry on. Character is tested during the challenges and character is what needs to be witnessed.......

For some, a suddenly is a rare occurrence, if you're able to keep life under control. From the disarray around the world and the distrust in our own country, I would say we are living in a new reality much like my own; one you're never ready for but must adapt too. 
Perhaps we need to get with the times and realize the seasons............

If I believe in my dreams, then loss should not be allowed to take them from me. The suddenly that sent me into a state of grief cannot keep me in a place of death. I want to allow my dreams to grow bigger.... and better than they were before. How to get to the goals is where character and challenges collide.

Some might say if I never went to SoCal, then I would not have quite this quest to reset and readjust in life. It was a cultural experience we were called too, and God only knows the greater reasons as to why. I know you will be hearing some of those reasons in the coming days.........

When the kids and I returned to LA after the holidays at home, it was as if something shifted. After landing on 12/28, Logan and I absolutely knew it was our time to exit two days later. Another suddenly had come upon us...
It was that fast.

Without time for any goodbyes for myself, we boarded a plane and were back in Philly a day and a half later. The season in life had shifted so quickly and I have learned to follow the flow, if at all possible. Most people are not able to do that, nor would they want to,.but I want to be blessed.....

The suddenlies have come for my 3 California kids and Jordan has also announced he will be leaving San Francisco in the coming weeks. Another 2 year period passed. His coming and going is blessed and we look forward to the beginnings of more great things as he follows his adventure forward.......

Sometimes we are too cautious and concerned about making moves that need to happen, or taking chances for fear something will happen. 
Truth is, we only live once on the earth so we might as well make the most of it..... in a meaningful way.

Nite.

Finding your way home.

"I was terrified the first time I left home but I persevered, knowing where home was and that I would always come back to it." (source unknown)

Perseverance. It grows from the testing of my faith; the trials I endure as I allow the process to work in my life. When this work is finished, the Book of James says I can be complete and mature, and lacking nothing. And when you're in the position I am in, this sounds pretty important to attain.

Perhaps God knew I was a quitter early on.... until He got a hold of me when I was 20 years old. Early on, the thing that tested me the most, as many know, was housing. This virtue would take years to develop but is wrapped up in my destiny.......... .

I was like many others and wanted the perfect home to raise a family in, especially having married a man older than I. When Plan B came into place, I naively agreed to the work required to put us in a better position than we had been financially. Little did I know the intense and immense work required to get there............

In order to hang onto what we have attained, I have needed this perseverance because there have been many times I want to throw in the towel. Concede. Admit that I cannot do this. Perhaps there is a Plan B, or just maybe I need a little bit more of my fight back..

My definition of home and what I wanted for the family we created was a place of acceptance. No matter what kind of day each of us had, there would always be a place of comfort awaiting. Comfort does not mean coddling to me, but a space for expansion and growth. Support. Safety.

With this in mind, the kids will be returning home in the next month. ALL of them. I have a feeling we will all enjoy what we've held onto here.... and work hard to keep it.

Updates will follow so watch for more:) Goodnight.