Written deep in my heart.

Seasons come and go in life when it seems as if the toughest of times are upon us, personally and nationally. These moments are meant to strengthen not strip one of power............ it is then that purpose is perceived and action is taken.........

Character is built in a culture who has been through stuff together; in communities who care for each other. Contrary to what I believe in and hope for, this concept is not found everywhere. If you have found it, freely share with others. If not, find your "family," a place you do belong.

Reflecting on my personal history is so much more important than wiping it away, or pretending the past never happened. That is insanity. I can't rewrite history but allow it to be used as a reminder, and "writing those words on my heart."

These reminders, when written deep in the heart, will enable me to never forget the journey and what it has taken to get where I am going...... and I am going somewhere. 
They serve as a constant in life and are what brings me back to "home."

I took a big leap of faith today as I made a decision I've deliberated for weeks about. When faced with it I was reminded of my May-September timeline; time set aside to strength my core for the coming shift. There is so much insanity in this space......... I am coming back to my center.

I am grateful for the support I've gotten in order to take this next step which is risky. I will share more in the coming days. My heart is a little bit lighter tonight....................

Time for new beginnings.

After a full year here, looks like we are back at "Square One".... Coldplay. It's a very good thing.......... a time of new beginnings.

There's a little piece of my heart I leave with each person, place or thing that has touched me or I have had the privilege of touching in the last few years, since my loss. I think I have learned to give more of myself away in each instance, rather than holding it back or withholding............

Because of my pain suffered, or your own perhaps, there is often justification for self protection. I, however, seem to have gone the opposite direction, even in the land of vanity and insanity. In all the lessons learned, I choose to "pour out my life as an offering......"

It is a conscious choice made to keep myself open, when the harsh reality of living here in particular, could turn my heart hard as stone. No joke. There is an apathy or indifference some would call "being laid back," but I know better. Passivity in its more perfect form.

After a weekend filled with VB tryouts, in a land where it is big business, we have made a decision....... we know where Logan will be playing in his second club season here. We know what we need to do. More details to come.

Jordan biked his way around Lake Tahoe and shared a few pics with me; he knows it's something his dad would've loved to try:) I guess we all have the same sense of adventure, go for it mentality, that kept him on the move throughout his life:) There will always be reasons and excuses NOT to do something........

My daughter looked very official at tryouts today as part of the Evolution Boys VB Club coaching staff for the upcoming season:) I'm very glad she's making inroads with good people and handsome guys, lol.

Time for a fresh start.

Heart Bleed.

When the "heart bleed" virus was revealed early in April, it was as if the timing paralleled personal matters. Having walked through tragedy and trauma in life, I wondered if my heart would ever heal..... or would I need to live with the overwhelming ache I felt.

Some days I'd think I was beyond that point until someone "touched" my heart and an emotion was triggered.... releasing hidden emotions, trapped inside. My first few months here I had trouble distinguishing whether it was a good or bad feeling, because the two seemed so intertwined.

The goodness of a friend brought tears, as my heart felt such gratitude. Likewise, the same gift of goodness would open up a place in me that was bruised, I wanted to cover over, but could not. In order to heal, I had to expose my pain........

Because of that willful exposure, my heart is definitely healing. Some very good things are taking place in my life in southern California.

And because I have wonderful family who have reciprocated in supporting our dreams and desires, we are able to advance. We could never do this without our support and love back home.

This is transition week for Chynna, as she's now living elsewhere and continues to take a few loads of clothes and items along with her. She met her potential new roommate tonight and things are looking up. The first few months here gave her time to determine what she wants in life and she knows she wants to live without regrets.......

We are learning how to juggle two cars and four drivers which sucks:/ Some days I'm not sure how we'll figure it out, but we will do it somehow. Another car is too much for my budget right now, as I'm getting new health insurance in place and will be apartment hunting in the near future.

I've learned that my problems are temporary, but my HOPE is eternal. If your heart is hurting, you can find healing.

Goodnight and Love.