Strength.

Our Sundays are nothing like they were so many years ago, which was based more on routine than relevance. My late husband always wrestled with religion; he found a bit of breakthrough but never enough. We kept pushing him......

As the culture is being transformed, principles don't have to be abandoned. In this new place we're in, compromise always awaits. We remind ourselves regularly of what we are grounded in; if we don't, no one will. I'm taking a few verses from the Book of Hebrews and making them personal tonight:

"I won't throw away my confidence (freedom to speak); it will be richly rewarded. I need to persevere so that when I have done the will of God, I WILL receive what he has promised. No pleasure is taken in the one who shrinks back.
But WE do not belong to those who shrink back (withdraw) and are destroyed....."

There has been quite a bit happening in the last few months that could cause me to pull back and seek cover. But I am challenging my faith to grow even more because I need it too, to get to the next level in my life. This is very real......

The end to Transition Week for USA VB; Logan connected with a new friend from VA on the sand courts. He's moving here in a year and very familiar with East Coast VB:) Everyday there are new connections in Cali; it's fascinating.

Can't wait to see Jordan in SoCal this coming weekend; It's been 5 long months since his last visit.

Our needs are very real; our hopes very high. Perhaps my inability to gauge my emotions are a gift in disguise, so I don't give up......

Heart Bleed.

When the "heart bleed" virus was revealed early in April, it was as if the timing paralleled personal matters. Having walked through tragedy and trauma in life, I wondered if my heart would ever heal..... or would I need to live with the overwhelming ache I felt.

Some days I'd think I was beyond that point until someone "touched" my heart and an emotion was triggered.... releasing hidden emotions, trapped inside. My first few months here I had trouble distinguishing whether it was a good or bad feeling, because the two seemed so intertwined.

The goodness of a friend brought tears, as my heart felt such gratitude. Likewise, the same gift of goodness would open up a place in me that was bruised, I wanted to cover over, but could not. In order to heal, I had to expose my pain........

Because of that willful exposure, my heart is definitely healing. Some very good things are taking place in my life in southern California.

And because I have wonderful family who have reciprocated in supporting our dreams and desires, we are able to advance. We could never do this without our support and love back home.

This is transition week for Chynna, as she's now living elsewhere and continues to take a few loads of clothes and items along with her. She met her potential new roommate tonight and things are looking up. The first few months here gave her time to determine what she wants in life and she knows she wants to live without regrets.......

We are learning how to juggle two cars and four drivers which sucks:/ Some days I'm not sure how we'll figure it out, but we will do it somehow. Another car is too much for my budget right now, as I'm getting new health insurance in place and will be apartment hunting in the near future.

I've learned that my problems are temporary, but my HOPE is eternal. If your heart is hurting, you can find healing.

Goodnight and Love.

Finding Fortunes.

As I reflect on my life, I realize my path has been paved by many tears, hard work, and pressures along the way. Each experience has served a purpose, because I use the pain to my own advantage.......

I have been in a constant state of transition for 2+ years, as it has been a season of starting over for me....... something that still leaves me speechless.

I am so very grateful for the friendships and support I've had and have been finding. I could never do this alone. Today I was told by a new friend I would least expect that "many are glad I'm here," my whole day brightened. These were the exact words I needed to hear.

As I continue to take strategic risks here and back home, the launching of my blog House of Secrets will now be host for our transition to our new name for the Memory Page. We have outgrown the FB space and in order to open this group again, I will be writing under the heading:

"Finding Fortunes"

And I will be expounding on the "secrets" and reasons I chose this title:)
I am also expanding into new territory and using my blog to do so. I am establishing what I am calling a coast to coast prayer network, in a strategic effort to reach the younger generations with a message of hope and a future.

They DO have something to live for.... a purpose under heaven to find and fulfill, and I HAVE to do something.

So, I am choosing to use our loss for this greater purpose and with this in mind, I am launching "Jacob's Well" as our coast to coast connection. More details to follow........

April is bringing a vision for our mission. Join us. Goodnight and Love.

California Dreaming

My main goal, even immediately following my husband's shocking death, was to focus on my kids and their future. I needed to remind them and myself that a future still remained, in spite of losing the one we loved.

After intensive transitions and painful processes of starting over, I think I'm finally coming to the end of my laborious work. Handling business, insurance changes, paperwork and tons of other items have kept me very preoccupied and pressured. Nothing or no one could have prepared me for this.

Because I've acted in accordance with that belief, it is now time to live in the present and definitely the season for me to write. My current situation is finally making this possible:) I'm finding a new found freedom and feel a refreshing coming.......

Sometimes it's very hard to know who to trust as I've had to go it on my own in many respects ........ but thankfully, I have found great support from a few new friends here. Because of our boys, VB, and timing, paths are crossing and friendships are being forged.

Whenever there is a new level to reach or a higher goal to grasp, there is always a mental challenge to overcome, as much as the physical. Am I good enough, strong enough or sharp enough..... do I have what it takes to make it are all questions that demand an answer. You must believe in yourself before others will believe in you......

Tonight was a great game for Redondo Union with Logan seeing playing time on defense with the Varsity team. He and I have had some very meaningful talks in recent weeks, again showing me the young man he is fast becoming. Chynna will be traveling with her club team for play this weekend, while Austin and I continue to establish residency here.

A new friend has encouraged me to get back into the game myself which makes me laugh. Maybe I could somehow find time to do something for me..... a novel idea, one that's been out of reach for so long.

Guess I will keep dreaming.......... Goodnight.