Immersion.

Getting the perspective of another can help drive your ambition, clear your confusion or help change your mind. When coming from a trusted friend, the gift is priceless. It is fragile if not founded on purpose.

Having two East Coasters, John and Andrew, with us for several days has been so good. There is a grounded perspective to life that comes from those roots. There is also a goodness.............

We have had the best time with both staying in our apartment., as both were given a real life look at the lives we lead and the work it takes to keep us here. The lure of the lifestyle is astounding and addicting if you like to just "chill." For me, the pace is too slow.

My friend John left late last night, catching a red eye flight home. He's hoping to plan his next visit soon. I've never met anyone like him......

Andrew leaves us on Wednesday and we will miss him dearly. Tonight, as a last hurrah, I took Logan, a friend, and Andrew to "In and Out" burger, a place where the stars go:) He goes with the flow, whether he's eating dinner on a styrofoam cooler, sleeping sideways on the sofa, using a crappy bike to get around, or packing his suitcase without lighting. Never complained, just immersed himself in our world. And, put up with all my picture taking:D

It's easy to look at someone else's life and want what another has, but the truth is, you may not want to do what it takes to get where he/she is. That life looks and sounds glamorous but doing what it takes to get there or stay there, may be beyond your capabilities.

The important thing is to act on the little mustard seed of faith you have; don't think about what you are lacking. Take the ability or talent you've been given, and "invest" it. Use it.

In July, I stepped into something at is moving me into a whole new level.
and in August, I believe the magic will reveal itself..... taking what I have and making it multiply.

Goodnight.

Eternity.

Many people think they want to do "big things." Just the connotation sounds so glamorous and exciting..... at least and until there are demands on time and devotion to details that don't seem to matter. The sacrifice will always cost more than you can afford........

Each core fitness class that comes, I feel I can't take the time required to attend. I inevitably go because I've made the commitment to see this through. I'm told my body is changing even though I don't see a difference. Even when others complain, I remain committed and suck it up. Nothing is too difficult anymore.

My work days at Prudential are filling up, keeping me busier than before. I somehow knew this was going to happen. My late husband's days were full, start to finish; I wondered how he didn't have time to "relax." He never seemed to need to relax or chill but I know I need to be still.

I now am pushing as hard as he was, in a different way...... emotionally and spiritually building. In Cali, life feels very temporal and the eternal is not tangible unless I search it out. Life back East is much different.... and real.

Managing new tenants move in for the beginning of August, as well as other rental demands right now. God help me. I really see how our skills in working together were invaluable for expansion. We both pushed.... or pulled and made each other better, even through the battles we fought with each other and outside of ourselves.

I never knew I could be stretched as far as I've been...........

You may think you want "the world", but you're gonna have to work hard to get it. Destiny sounds divine but you're going to need to dig in and get dirty. It might even take a bit of crazy, not control, to get you where you dream of being.......

Magic.

A plan is beginning to be mapped out for my youngest as he considers options, entering his upcoming Junior year in HS. His options will broaden as he commits to a new path in life..... Perspective keeps our purpose alive. Seeing the divine in the destruction is empowering.....

Back in mid March, after the HP Beach Tryouts with USA VB, he took a swim in the Pacific with new founds friends. He laid his sunglasses on the sand as he swam, only to return and find them swept away by the waves. I knew his "vision" was expanding...... and his future far more than he can comprehend......

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this. He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.....", as we trust in His plan, in the midst of injustices we experience, nothing but the best will come.

Literally about an hour after I cancelled Jordan's flights for this weekend, Austin was finally able to get his shift covered at work. Jordan is on his way here tonight and the two will be heading to San Diego tomorrow to see Switchfoot! IIt will be an amazing experience........ and another first! Can't wait to see Jordan again too:)

I'm so glad the two boys now have bikes and have used them regularly. After riding home from work, Austin's pedal fell off and he fell, but was able to get it home and fix it. He commends his dad for any mechanical ability he has, and I heartily agree:)

Even when I feel like we lack and it's easy to focus on what I still need to survive, I challenge myself to think on the good things. Today I began the editing process for what I feel will be my first book. This requires reading over the early days of my FB posts, which really take me back........this community has had quite the beginning....... we have bonded in a beautiful way.......

It's like "Magic." Coldplay

Reflection.

It kind of feels like nothing changes when there is no change in seasons. I wonder if this reflects life for some, who have not "weathered" the harsh elements in life that create depth and desires..........

My youngest is reflecting on his time here as we begin to approach the one year point. There are many things to do here, but much of the same because of the consistent weather. In some ways, it'd be easy to go back home. He misses many, many things, such as the land, the privacy, our deck and pond, the ATV's, airsoft wars, and substantial friendships. 
But most of all....... freedom. There is little here; you can't just pick up and do what you feel like doing. So strange......

In lots of ways, there is no going back... for now. We'll cross that bridge as we approach college. Open to most anything and only God knows where he or we will land. Following Houston, he'll be back to beach training, intensively so and find fun in that.

After laundry and packing, he shot airsoft gun at a target just next to me. We played war with cards and he tried on his new ankle brace, which was very amusing. Austin received his first paycheck from Joe's Crab Shack tonight, while I signed up for a Sallie Mae Loan for him.

I imagine it will be difficult for my daughter to say goodbye to her sweet little cousins, and tough for them as well. She's made the most of her time home, treasuring these moments. We all want to be bi-coastal. I want to make it happen...... we will meet up in Houston tomorrow:)

On this last day of June, I officially finished what I'm calling my first book, which I see as a series of "meditations and inspirations." Next is editing and adding content; then onto making contacts. 
The next adventure is what we're moving towards.

"Sky Full of Stars." Coldplay

Persistence.

Over the course of many years, and particularly as loss hit home hard, I've seen some ugly attributes displayed as a result of frustrated emotions. When operating out of a place of pain, if not careful, human nature needs to find something, or someone, to control.....

Rather than fighting for my "rights", I have chosen to bend until I break, to fall to my knees. I choose to look to the heavens and believe in a Higher Power who takes my matters into His hands....... I would rather allow freedom to find its way......

In the face of many obstacles, it took the persistence of Moses to never give up; to go back to a Pharaoh until he finally granted Moses' request. Moses had superior skill, "outplaying" those in positions of power; it was only a matter of time when the best rose to the top. Because of his actions, a whole nation would find new found freedom.

Logan's ankle is on the mend and he is quickly recovering; he is resilient. He's back on the court, practicing daily with his team for JO's in Houston. The countdown is on. Back, better than ever. There are times to return to the basics..... and it seems he and I are on a parallel path.

The Tough Mudder in Vancouver brought Jordan a challenge he embraced, training and preparing his "mental game" for this feat. I'm hoping he'll share his adventures with you:) Next up, expanding the blog, as I continue to grow my writing ventures.

I find myself in a position of doing whatever needs to be done; in other words, "suck it up and just do it." There's really nothing I can't tackle or haven't faced. There used to be times in my life where I could just say "I don't feel like it", but not anymore. No one else picks up the slack.

Today, I was racking my brain over Austin's college loans, past, present, and future, to figure out what he needs going forward. And of course, there's a deadline of July 15 to have all aid/loans in place. I'm always on a deadline, ha ha. Perhaps that's why I'm such a pusher and persevere:)

Persistence is key. I used to be a quitter; now, I will be a winner.
Goodnight and Grace.

Gleaning.

Reading my daughter's words of wisdom below brings me to tears..... haven't cried in a while. Surprised?  It is true. I realized something today...... I've been afraid to "let go" of home because I don't want to feel loss again.

In reality, my life alone was beginning; I was carving a path, even though I felt like I was spinning my wheels the first 18+ months. There was motion and the movement was necessary, nurturing me to another point in life. Friendships were growing and I was adjusting to new activities......

Instead I embraced a path of purpose, putting everything I say I have faith in, to the test. A friend texted today about how life goes by too quickly; I told him I live everyday with that in mind, not motivated by fear but fueled with the future....... I often wonder if I can do this.

I've shared very personal things with you and I will continue..... what might be revealed in the next few weeks, may be raw emotions.... again. This new apartment has given us a sanctuary of sorts, a place of peace that is offering another opportunity......Good things will come from my "gleaning."

Big 3 day pre-Houston tournament this weekend with Team Rockstar in Anaheim. Lots of Cali teams and others come to play for "points", so we'll get a preview of JO's. Tomorrow Logan plays a team from WI:) Austin's enjoying use of the Toyota while his sister is away:) Got some playing on the beach in today!

Chynna's enjoying rekindling her East Coast connections with a pre-Rumble party tonight:) The giggles of my nieces she texted on video today light up my life; I can't help but smile......

Wondering what establishing roots will look like here.......

Happies.

As Logan, Chynna and I drove cross country in our Toyota Corolla almost ten months ago, there was a song that somehow moved to the top of our playlist. " The song is called "The Pursuit of Happiness"...........

I think of happiness tonight after a day spent at a beach nearby, watching the water. Seeing five dolphins swimming with the waves was something I had never seen before. There have been many new experiences in my life, some really good, and others very hard.

Loss has precipitated my growth and the kids, in leaps and bounds; in part, because of purpose, and the rest is intention. I choose to take the good from the bad, and glean so I can gain........

By exposing myself and the kids to a new lifestyle, we learn even more what to appreciate, and what is worth the work.

Logan was able to join Team Rockstar and attend the USA v. Russia VB game at CSLB in the pyramid. To see players like Clay Stanley and Reid Priddy among the crowd was really cool, as well as hang with high caliber coaches. His club director Matt Fuerbringer is an assistant coach to the team.

Living here, it's commonplace to attend activities like this. For us, it is absolutely amazing, but we've learned not to take things for granted. There is always something to do or some place to go. We still pick and choose what is possible for financial reasons, but so thankful when it's affordable.

We celebrate Logan's birthday tomorrow with a club tournament at ASC, where my two are also reffing. Jordan continues his path, now in a new place in the Bernal Heights area of SF. He has learned to travel lightly, live simply, but is now ready to feel "settled," in a good way:)

From an outside perspective it may look as if good things simply come and we're prospering in this new place; however, it's taken a strong mental game to start over. I thought I knew what it was to be happy..........

"The attitude of a champion, the heart of an athlete, and the mind of the winner is all that is necessary for success....." Logan Gehman

Steadfast.

As I read the sentiments of my kids on this special evening, I have many thoughts of my own. Even though we're new at navigating this journey, you can see how moments are never forgotten. The kids never ever lose count of the days....

I reflect on my knowing that this was not a one time event, but a life changing moment that happened in minutes; one prepared for me long ago...... nothing out of the hand of my Father in heaven who understands far more than I.

You never know what you're ready for until you're forced to rise to an occasion, or face defeat. Most have that overpowering fear..... what if life isn't what I want it to be..... then what. We are living proof there is life beyond loss, and a hope that defies any odds stacked against it.

This song and beat flow with the rhythm of my heart right now..... Enjoy.

OF MONSTERS AND MEN LYRICS - Slow And Steady

Lyrics to "Slow And Steady" song by OF MONSTERS AND MEN: The lights go out, I am all alone All the trees outside are buried in the snow I spend my night danc...

AZLYRICS.COM

Preparation.

Coming to California was by far one of the hardest things we've ever done. In so many ways, we've come so far.... in other ways, we have a long way to go. With the right elements coming together at the right time and season, "magic" can happen..... for anyone.

Sometimes you know you need a change in life but you just don't know what to do.... I always say you have to do something. Nothing will change if I don't change. I don't expect people around me to do what only I can. I will always be disappointed if my faith lies in another person.

June began in a big way and only two days in. Lots of plans to expand going into summer. I will be adding more content to my posts at houseofsecretsblog.com, as well as finishing the first draft of a book I'm working on. 
Be passionate about your purpose; persuaded beyond the preparation it takes to get further. In just one day, everything can change.

Tonight we celebrated Logan's first season as a Redondo Seahawk, in a crowded room at H.T. Grill in Redondo Beach. I think our teams have the best looking group of guys, as well as great looking coaches:) This has "never ever happened before" was a phrase coined this evening.

Our decisions felt affirmed tonight, as he earned his first Varsity letter in the west, along with his Scholar Athlete Award. His time will come in a big way going forward; hard work does eventually pay off. We're very thankful for what lies ahead, rather than being passionate about the past.

Lord willing.....

http://photos.dailybreeze.com/2014/05/photos-redondo-volleyball-logan-gehman/

Calling.

King Solomon realized that life comes and goes, there are cycles and seasons to it. To know the time and season is far more valuable than anything, and perhaps made him glad he asked the Lord for wisdom, when he had the opportunity to ask for anything......

He came to realize all things had been done before; nothing new was under the sun. Experiences and ecstasies would come and go. If life brought forth futility, then making the most of it and finding meaning in it was a mystery to discover.....

Life will never be what it once was.... there's no going back to former glory or reliving special moments. We can only make new memories and create the moments we want.

The past few months have brought about a realignment for me, facilitating more internal changes, visible externally. I've decided to figure out how to dig deep and really see what I'm made of..... and not fear what I find......

I've faced the fears of being alone, while fighting the loneliness of this new place. You can feel those pangs in the most populated of places..... I've turned my angst into activity, even doing a "mini work out" with Logan tonight. He remains disciplined and my personal game plan is taking shape.

Chynna returned from reffing, ready to workout herself. Her specific words were "I'm so ready for a fight after reffing", which happens most every weekend, lol:) Parents are unbearable sometimes. She will begin training more regularly at Olive Garden this week, her immediate plans for the future.

I'm glad to say Austin's been able to find work at a local restaurant in the Redondo Marina area! He may even have to sing or dance, during his duties as Host. If all goes well, he'll be in his element:) Plans to begin school in the Fall should proceed, but for now he'll earn some money:)

As we approach another 4th of the month this coming week, my youngest echoed the sentiments of a song playing tonight. "Why am I the one?" Reflecting on events in their young lives he said, "I didn't choose this life..... but this chose me."

A calling we answer.

Sights.

Traveled into San Diego County this week for VB with Logan's Redondo Union High School Team. We drove about 1 1/2 hours south of us, traveling near or through places I'd only ever heard of, like Laguna Niguel and San Juan Capistrano. I can hardly believe the sights.....

Chynna even had me driving into Camp Pendleton to find a Dunkin Donuts her map app took her too! She was pretty excited until I reached a young, handsome officer and tried to explain why we were trying to drive through the gates:)

Carlsbad High School was the destination for a quarter final match, on a quest towards a state title. The team had a big win in 3 games, taking us to a rematch with the #1 team in the nation, Huntington Beach Thursday night:)

Traveling in all different areas of the state is giving us a pretty good feel for the landscapes and lifestyles....... it is enlightening.

Goodnight and love to our hometown.

Secure.

In so many ways, we've picked ourselves up after a tragic event that tried to take us down. Being able to spend time together is not only life giving, but absolutely empowering...... I sometimes forget how much because I am so focused on what needs to continue to occur....

So many in our hometown and community are not only friends, but are like family too. You've been close..... and remain connected, our hearts to yours. In this new area we've landed in, we hope the same can happen. I want to make this mine.

I know we're not alone; everyone has things in life that make you fall, or damage your soul, almost beyond repair sometimes.... or so it would seem.
I've spent many months reflecting on who and what makes me feel secure. As a married woman, it was most often my husband; now it is not. I so much wanted to feel secure...... especially with so much happening in my life.

I've spent a lot of time deconstructing what and how I am supposed to live now.... and find that safety and security I really miss. I am finally turning the corner.... mostly because of prayer support and a mental shift I'm making.

My role as a mom has changed.... I am going with that flow. I AM working on myself;making choices of my own. Pushing back limitations..... I went with the kids to the soccer field. Today, Logan, Jordan, and I rented bikes for an hour for a minimal cost and rode the Strand. I feel I am finally changing. Nothing has changed for me except my intentions and actions. I know the rest will follow.

A few months ago, my laptop began giving me problems; I knew it was a security issue. At the same time, I had to close 3 of my credit cards, due to fraud and security issues. I knew God was trying to give me a message.

Jordan's job while here has been to figure out what was wrong, clean up all the "bugs" in the system; I needed more "protection" and "security" for my laptop. I knew I needed help and he was the guy to help. He installed the right software to protect me from stuff that should not get in. A metaphor for my life.......

I am so privileged to be sharing with you, some one on one through messages, and others in a larger venue. I am committed to helping you become "mobile". Mobility is the key. You have to start moving in the right direction........

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

— with Logan Gehman at Hermosa Beach Pier.