The Sweetest Thing.

At the beginning of the summer 2014, my daughter stated that in this next season we would begin "to see the realization of all our dreams." Even though a big, bold statement made as a declaration, I believed it to be true......... and I was speechless.

No one can prepare you for sacrifice, whether you're creating a business, starting a family, moving cross country, training for an athletic event.... or losing a loved one. Unless immersed in the purpose, you will likely miss the meaning. You must prepare to be aware or all is done in vain.......

As I reflect on the last 7 years of my life, I knew I was in "training;" for what, I did not know exactly. An unplanned pregnancy, a horrible miscarriage which led into depression; one business began, while another ended, and many more changes undergone in this period of time. I wondered how I would live through it, let alone make it.

The one thing I kept in my mind and heart was the belief that this was not in vain. I knew beauty would come from pain and I would ultimately gain. The irony of loss... and redemption. When I actually adopted this understanding, my whole life was impacted...... and so was the life of my kids........

Those dreams coming to life I've held dear for many years may not be the plans I have laid out. More than likely, "as above, so below" and we will embrace and adopt a greater purpose for our lives; a platform for the taking. I know there is so much more to come than we could even think or imagine awaiting...........

As we quickly approach November 4, I feel as if our 3 year "season of sacrifice" will lead us "home".........

"The Sweetest Thing." U2

Refined by fire.

Whenever a dream is dreamed or a vision unfolds, there is always an "enemy" that will challenge it. Whatever the "enemy" is, I find it is usually connected to feeling a lack of something....... time, money, confidence, commitment, or faith. The list is unending.

Relating to a vision or dream, there WILL be a testing period, to see the level or lengths you will go to, to make things happen. There is a fine line to making things happen myself and/or trusting in the goodness of God. Even though I do everything I can do to be found faithful and to do my part, I have found His favor to be far better.......

Today Jordan and company headed to Lake Tahoe, to participate in a bike ride, at least 50 miles. His company pays for his participation in the trip as a "health benefit." My skinny Jordan is becoming quite buff:) He'll be back to work early next week; it's a quick trip.

Chynna's Vista Mar Girls JV team won their first match of the season Friday night, and she was very pleased:) Her hopes of giving private VB lessons and personal training continues to grow. Today she took Janelle Turner paddle boarding for the first time since moving here:)

We are thrilled that Austin finally has a bed and he was able to deflate the air mattress. It's actually a queen size with box spring he found out for trash, but in great condition:) Little by little, the styrofoam coolers he was using have been moved out of his BR. Now, I'm using them for storage....

Logan and I are being schooled in the Southern CA Club VB scene, second year in. It's kind of like a meat market, depending what club tryout you're at. You can feel the vibe and it's rough. Logan's maturity level allows him to handle the process well. He's had several offers come in from clubs he's only dreamt of playing with when living back east....................

The tests we've been through reveal character, cockiness, confidence or criteria; the internal is always revealed externally. I'm told there is a "goodness" we have brought to SoCal...... I know that cannot and will not change........ no matter the present culture.

Your support and love means the world to me; I don't know if I can truly convey how much you help get me through and motivate me...... Honest to God, I would never be able to do this. We have big plans and my ideas continue to flow......

It's time to get some new plans and make it happen......

Dreaming.

For so many years, I have carried dreams.... in my heart, soul, mind and spirit. Over time, I pondered them, wondering if there would ever be a time of fulfillment. Things I want to do, places I want to go, ways I've wanted to reach out but have only ever known limits........

These dreams never died, even in the light of the death all around us. My circumstances have always seemed to dictate my direction in life, but I have always fought against the tide.. Days I feel as if I'm drowning, I am never completely overcome. I can't be.

There are times when I feel I could be carried away in despair, if I let myself be, particularly when life spins out of control. For you, It may be health, wealth, childbearing or child rearing, the struggles are real; the need for direction, desperate.... especially in these days.

Sometimes it's as easy as knowing where to go for help..... who to go to for help..... and most importantly, who has the answers you need, at the right time and the right season in your life. Don't hesitate to ask......... the limits are coming off.........

Today felt like a day from hell as one thing after the other happened. The first bus did not show up for Austin, so he biked to the next stop to catch it for his first day of school. Thankfully, he had a great first day and will be back at it tomorrow, which will include VB conditioning with the club team:)

I took Logan to get his CA Driver's License only to again be told we are missing a required item, which we had not been informed of. And of course, there's a large fee required in order for him to take the test. I was livid and have gotten very vocal and expressing the ridiculousness in all the hoops needed to jump through to get something simple done.

Never expected this from such a "progressive" place. To many, it is normal life. Many I meet in SoCal try to convince me of the wonderful place we live in here and yet, I'm finding them to be some of the most miserable people I have ever met in my life. I am getting a hard edge......... which I need.

Flowers brightened my day at the office, as my friend John now sends me them on a weekly basis. He knows I need it, ha ha. Seriously, I have never been treated so well, ever. 
So much is happening I can hardly keep up, but is right on time....... 

Don't ever stop dreaming.......

Dreamin.

I'm glad to be back........ after spending 5 days in Houston, TX with our VB team. 

I always thought if I had a dream and a destiny, it should come easy. If something is "meant to be", why would I have to "work for it?" I'm not sure where that thought came from other than empty promises made by well meaning people; impressions made upon me as a young person.

As I connected with a West Point graduate on the plane from Houston to LAX, he identified with the work ethic required. Never in my wildest imagination could I conceive of the "suffering and sacrifices" it would take to get here......

After our time in Houston at Junior Olympics Nationals VB Championships, our vision has again expanded, opening up the future for Logan. More details to come. I find it often takes forced change to conform our will to the path of God in life, and to align us with our destiny. There is pain in that process, but there are rewards........

One of the best things was seeing his previous team from the Lehigh Valley in PA; we have lifelong connections there. The hugs were ones in which I didn't want to let go of, and to see Logan's face light up when he saw his former teammates was awesome:) It felt like a piece of home.

I enjoyed Houston, mostly because of team relationships and having Chynna and Austin with me. We had a few free hours and drove to see the Gulf in Galveston. I can now say we've been there. Not quite what I expected.

Rockstar did very well, winning their Flight in the Open Division:) It was a rewarding experience and in the South Bay, there is no dead time. JO's end and decisions are made for the upcoming club season that begins in September. Now, beach training begins.

Leaving Houston, there was green grass, rain, and life. As we hit LA airspace, I could feel the emptiness in the land, much like the dryness in the ground from a lack of "rain." We know we can't look outward for fulfillment, but have to find it within... and upward..... and release what we have into the area. 
Glad to be back blogging.

"Welcome To The Jungle." Jay-Z

Home.

 I finally got to talk to my daughter, who's in our hometown in PA, for two weeks. She is ever inspiring and appreciative, even more so since leaving our home to pursue our purpose. For each of us, it has brought an even greater focus on what is important in life.

I want those with ears to hear me to know how VERY MUCH we love each of you, those who have followed along with us on this incredible journey. You truly are the reason we are here and able to be ourselves in SoCal, in this incredibly vain society of "superficial personalities." You keep us real.......

To always know we have a "home" to go back to has empowered us to be who we are and effect change, and influence people. Our roots give us the support and stability to come to a place of knowing no one, and feeling broken at times, only to dig in deeper and see further. Her trip home has served to re-energize and reinvigorate........

As we continue to search for what is real as we find the fakes and flakes, we see meaningful relationships are being established. We are spreading our roots, not in the ground, but in the air, in the heavens, where they belong...... that's where our connections are.

In updating my home address today, I discovered my car insurance and renter's insurance policies will increase monthly by a total of $70. You know, I finally thought I had gotten this budget stuff settled. Ugh. I resist the urge to complain.

Moses of the Bible was an ordinary man called to lead an exodus of people into their promise. At various points along the way, they lost sight of why they had left and where they were going. They struggled, leading to contention amongst each other. In times of loss, it's easiest to turn on those you love and have your best interest in mind........... I would know.

They got too tired, life seemed so hard, they wondered when it would get easier. Moses was instructed to "strike a rock" in order to find a resource; sounds insane. His persistence paid off as water came gushing out from an unlikely source. His obedience released this resource......

I'm determined to not be defined by my "struggles" but rather, make them work for me. I am not giving up; neither am I deterred.

Striking my "rock."

Father's Day

Another holiday has passed... this one being a bit tougher than others. I felt a bit cranky this morning and had to choose to focus on the good memories we have of the father to my children...... one young VB coach whose father is no longer living, told Logan "this is his least favorite holiday."

The good grows with the bad; sowing and reaping, timing and turmoils, as spoken of in the Book of Matthew. Lessons and layers were shared in parables; mysteries woven in everyday analogies.... just like in my life.

We didn't speak of my late husband much at all today, but rather focused on other things. There may always feel as if a piece of life is missing..... no matter how much time goes by.

Today we celebrate my dad and the guys in our family who have been great fathers to my nieces and nephews. We miss you all everyday. Your kids are the light of my life.......

Chynna will soon be back on the East Coast and is counting down the days til her flight takes off. Austin's job is going well and today he made a good amount of tips:) We found a $30 bike for Logan to get to the beach with. No grass grows under his feet:)

I find the atmosphere and "environment" around me can affect emotions and experiences. That's part of why I want to continue to create and foster one of inspiration and motivation. I've had the opportunity to share more of myself with others which keeps me dreaming bigger and reaching farther than seems possible.

One coworker recently challenged me on my goals, my two year window while Logan is still in school, and when his SS income will run out. I'm always on a deadline.... my friend said "instead of letting the wind take you wherever it will, set your sails in the direction you want to go."

I can control my destiny...... through direction and determination.

California Dreaming

My main goal, even immediately following my husband's shocking death, was to focus on my kids and their future. I needed to remind them and myself that a future still remained, in spite of losing the one we loved.

After intensive transitions and painful processes of starting over, I think I'm finally coming to the end of my laborious work. Handling business, insurance changes, paperwork and tons of other items have kept me very preoccupied and pressured. Nothing or no one could have prepared me for this.

Because I've acted in accordance with that belief, it is now time to live in the present and definitely the season for me to write. My current situation is finally making this possible:) I'm finding a new found freedom and feel a refreshing coming.......

Sometimes it's very hard to know who to trust as I've had to go it on my own in many respects ........ but thankfully, I have found great support from a few new friends here. Because of our boys, VB, and timing, paths are crossing and friendships are being forged.

Whenever there is a new level to reach or a higher goal to grasp, there is always a mental challenge to overcome, as much as the physical. Am I good enough, strong enough or sharp enough..... do I have what it takes to make it are all questions that demand an answer. You must believe in yourself before others will believe in you......

Tonight was a great game for Redondo Union with Logan seeing playing time on defense with the Varsity team. He and I have had some very meaningful talks in recent weeks, again showing me the young man he is fast becoming. Chynna will be traveling with her club team for play this weekend, while Austin and I continue to establish residency here.

A new friend has encouraged me to get back into the game myself which makes me laugh. Maybe I could somehow find time to do something for me..... a novel idea, one that's been out of reach for so long.

Guess I will keep dreaming.......... Goodnight.