Challenge.

It was a Sunday of VB as Logan and I made our way to Manhattan Beach for a CBVA tournament early this morning. Logan played with Sam Caldwell, a new potential partner. Again, they were the youngest, playing against seasoned players, going for an A rating. The day got better and better:)

Funny how his past has prepared him for his future and this level of competition, on the beach, where he never played back East. Challenges can serve to make one better, if used as steps to get to the next level. You can stay where you're at if you want to, or prefer not to be pushed. Choice is yours... always.

Some of us like a challenge, and for the most part, this lifestyle does not lend itself to such. I currently eat, sleep and breathe real estate, at Prudential CA, and as handling my properties back East. Fine tuning the game plan and a year in review is on my agenda by September 1.

I am very focused on this next chapter in my life and ways I can expand. I'm open to the possibilities.........while not losing myself again the process. Been there, done that. I know quite a bit more than I've ever been given credit for........ years of just doing the hard work will pay off......... soon.

I found out that Jordan bought a small wooden rocking chair on a garage sale this weekend, and Chynna and her roommate lugged home a Queen size mattress and boxspring left on the sidewalk for pickup. So, at least we're making progress in the area of household items:) Austin is still on the floor and continue to bike to and from work.

As a single mom, widow, and limited income, even choosing to buy a bed becomes a big deal. Anything really is ... .... I still feel the stress of making purchases and really ask myself what do we actually need or what can we get by with. There are choices to make on the path to a dream.........

I can feel helpless at times and allow myself to be dictated to by my situation. That's a bad place to be; ruins my perspective. I would rather take hold of the life we have yet to live and do the most with it possible....

Dreaming bigger than ever.

Hope.

I find it's often in the times I feel the most squeezed, the most pressed, and pressured, when I struggle to keep clarity because my "vision" becomes clouded....... these are the moments in which my faith is worked out, as I wrestle with it..... question it and not be afraid of what I may find.

As I allow the "aging" process to occur, what is produced is a sweet smelling fragrance and a most powerful presence that empowers all around me......... it is very real. All of this, my faith, frailties, the frivolities, and fragility. But..... I am not afraid of it.

"The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart, through all generations. He knew we would be here, in this place and walking this journey in life because "the eyes of the Lord are on those whose hope is in His unfailing love." Not His conditional love, but unfailing......

Tonight Logan is watching the USA vs Iran Volleyball Match at USC with friends. A special moment as his assistant coach for Rockstar, Alfee Reft, is the starting Libero this evening. He also met Reid Priddy, a name well known in the sport, and on the Olympic level. This is why we're here.....

I spent half the day, embracing the path I feel God is leading me for now. As I get "on board" with His plans, things begin to take off....... Fall will be very full, after this tumultuous summer that has brought a bit of disorder and destruction across the globe. Change is coming.

"May your unfailing love rest upon us O Lord, even as we put our hope in you....." on the East Coast, around the world, and especially here in CA.

Anticipate.

Today I was telling a friend that I'm again at a crossroads; you may know the feeling. You've worked hard to get where you're at and you know something more awaits you in the future. Delays are disturbing:/

Your anticipation fuels your curiosity to continue....... and you know you can't give in to discouragement. Because of this, I've chosen to set aside a few days to seek out direction for my life at this time because many things are thrown at me daily. (Such as my sweeper, less than a year old, that quit working:/ Think Logan and our kitty did the work to get it going again:)

So much has taken place in a few short months and the summer has been a "tumultuous" one. (KC) Even in the delays, I've learned to keep moving in prayer. I push to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically even when I don't feel like it. Kind of like working out:)

As I parked my car at our apartment after work, I noticed two textbooks lying in the dirt. One book was titled "Economics;" the other, "Crossroads." A specific message just for me; I have more to learn. I am listening, looking and expecting some answers regarding real estate, property and being bi-coastal.

My friend John is planning his next trip out to visit, on his way to a business trip in HI. Logan's registered at Redondo Union for another year of school in SoCal. My plans are to get back to focusing on my book tomorrow; it's been weeks. Too many demands on my time:/

Sometimes I think we pray and expect God to do the work... all the work. I've found it doesn't happen that way. No way. If something is going to change, it's because I am willing to participate, do the work and get involved. No matter how tough or what the requirements.

Gotta get in and get dirty.

Compromise.

Ever since coming to California, the test for each of us has been to stay true to who we are and not allow compromise to kick in. There is such a seducing spirit in the area of LA that can draw anyone in and make you aimless. You come with a dream and lose sight because of "lifestyle." I wonder how many are lost..........

I literally feel out of touch with the rest of the world in this "South Bay Bubble" and not even care quite honestly. People just do their own thing. That's not me; however, and not where I come from. I make it my business to stay informed and keep my connections flowing. I care about what's happening in the world.

I brought the kids west almost a year ago and this place feels as it did then; it's just a place to live, train and play. It is not a place that feels settled, but a space people are just passing through. The idea of home and family feels very distant even though ours is mostly together because of this "bubble."

Most homes in this bubble, even the smallest and outdated, are selling for $400K plus. Everyone knows it's crazy but all seem to participate. You get the least possible for a ton of money. Investors, foreigners, the famous, and wealthy families seem to be the few that can afford to call the area "home."

Yes, there's surface beauty but also a feeling of survival, as if someone is out to get you at any given time. Whether a traffic ticket, an untrustworthy "friend", or someone in your social circle, lying to your face is common place. I learned the hard way a few months back......... in a confrontation with a native Californian. This past year has been about more life lessons.

We continue to be ourselves from back East, without compromise, and remain very different from the crowd. Being bi-coastal may be closer than I think. 
As hard as I have to work, we will remain "untouched"................

.

Love.

I had a dream back in June revealing a missing piece of my life here in L.A. County..... and that piece is "love." There are clues throughout the dream that speak to this acceleration of time I feel, as the spiritual and natural parallel........... and I wonder where my love life will go.

I was accustomed to the companionship of a partner, even if he was working long hours or barely seemed to listen to me. His presence was always felt. He was there to handle things I couldn't and to bear the heavy burdens alongside of me. Most days, I still feel that loss.

Now, I'm figuring out what I want in my life and most importantly, who will be with me moving forward. As I "work out" my faith and what is at my core this summer, I'm pushing for a deeper strength, stamina, and mental game needed to proceed and succeed. I'm getting my mind aligned and finally taking control of this area of my life...........

Andrew is back on the East Coast and I assume in his own bed tonight:) We will miss him. Logan's begun to look at colleges on the east and west coast, submitting recruiting info to coaches. A club teammate is providing film from Houston since I videotaped my leg rather than the best game of his life as a libero, lol:)

His Redondo HS Beach Team is working out twice a week now in preparation for the upcoming HS season on the beach! Andrew was able to participate in playing with many in Hermosa:) The training and conditioning schedule Logan is on is a good one and he's determined to follow through.

Chynna may have up to 3 coaching positions coming up shortly here in the South Bay and is playing on two indoor club teams. She too has persevered and is connecting with many people, planning and playing in the sand whenever she can. She sets her sights high............

Austin is in limbo until college begins in a few weeks; things are finally coming together, I think. He hopes to volunteer at the Manhattan Beach Open next week which draws AVP and players from all over:) He'd like a second job but they are hard to come by here and summer is winding down:/

Hoping a bit of real love comes to the L.A. area because what I have seen so far is very fickle..............

Immersion.

Getting the perspective of another can help drive your ambition, clear your confusion or help change your mind. When coming from a trusted friend, the gift is priceless. It is fragile if not founded on purpose.

Having two East Coasters, John and Andrew, with us for several days has been so good. There is a grounded perspective to life that comes from those roots. There is also a goodness.............

We have had the best time with both staying in our apartment., as both were given a real life look at the lives we lead and the work it takes to keep us here. The lure of the lifestyle is astounding and addicting if you like to just "chill." For me, the pace is too slow.

My friend John left late last night, catching a red eye flight home. He's hoping to plan his next visit soon. I've never met anyone like him......

Andrew leaves us on Wednesday and we will miss him dearly. Tonight, as a last hurrah, I took Logan, a friend, and Andrew to "In and Out" burger, a place where the stars go:) He goes with the flow, whether he's eating dinner on a styrofoam cooler, sleeping sideways on the sofa, using a crappy bike to get around, or packing his suitcase without lighting. Never complained, just immersed himself in our world. And, put up with all my picture taking:D

It's easy to look at someone else's life and want what another has, but the truth is, you may not want to do what it takes to get where he/she is. That life looks and sounds glamorous but doing what it takes to get there or stay there, may be beyond your capabilities.

The important thing is to act on the little mustard seed of faith you have; don't think about what you are lacking. Take the ability or talent you've been given, and "invest" it. Use it.

In July, I stepped into something at is moving me into a whole new level.
and in August, I believe the magic will reveal itself..... taking what I have and making it multiply.

Goodnight.

Presence.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure........ As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." N. Mandela

Shining.

Eruptions.

In some ways I feel like I'm living the dorm life with 3 males in the apartment currently, lol:) We love having Andrew here and I personally am so grateful. The summer is a bit stagnant because we can do the same things year round, so having his friend here helps the time pass.

Over the course of a few weeks Chynna has gotten to talk with a variety of people at her job. It seems there is a common thread from all who have opened up to her..... "the people are different here." They are welcoming but not "friendly." Whether you're in SoCal one year or 17, the feelings are the same......

It is a very lonely place to live and perhaps why there is so much emphasis on "being the best." It's almost unheard for a kid my son's age to have a summer job because of all the activities they are a part of. It is common place to take lessons, be trained and/or go to summer school for self improvement and pay exorbitant amounts of money to do so. This is "livin the dream....."

While shopping at Target in Manhattan Beach, I noticed they don't use plastic bags anymore, only paper. When I asked why, the cashier went into a dissertation of her disgust with decisions being made. Taking a plastic bag on the beach can now render you a fine. When I said I'm from the East Coast and this sounds pretty typical of the West, she said, "it is. Welcome to California."

My trip back to the East Coast brought a lot into focus for me. At Christmas 2013, my goal was to spend time with family. This time, it was about the future and where we are heading. I now know anything is possible and time has once again accelerated.

Life is erupting much like the geyser at UCLA today. Giving you a window into the west......

Eternity.

Many people think they want to do "big things." Just the connotation sounds so glamorous and exciting..... at least and until there are demands on time and devotion to details that don't seem to matter. The sacrifice will always cost more than you can afford........

Each core fitness class that comes, I feel I can't take the time required to attend. I inevitably go because I've made the commitment to see this through. I'm told my body is changing even though I don't see a difference. Even when others complain, I remain committed and suck it up. Nothing is too difficult anymore.

My work days at Prudential are filling up, keeping me busier than before. I somehow knew this was going to happen. My late husband's days were full, start to finish; I wondered how he didn't have time to "relax." He never seemed to need to relax or chill but I know I need to be still.

I now am pushing as hard as he was, in a different way...... emotionally and spiritually building. In Cali, life feels very temporal and the eternal is not tangible unless I search it out. Life back East is much different.... and real.

Managing new tenants move in for the beginning of August, as well as other rental demands right now. God help me. I really see how our skills in working together were invaluable for expansion. We both pushed.... or pulled and made each other better, even through the battles we fought with each other and outside of ourselves.

I never knew I could be stretched as far as I've been...........

You may think you want "the world", but you're gonna have to work hard to get it. Destiny sounds divine but you're going to need to dig in and get dirty. It might even take a bit of crazy, not control, to get you where you dream of being.......

Goodness.

Logan woke me early Saturday, asking if my foot was our kitty, hiding under my covers, lol. After I told him I needed more sleep, he left me alone for only a few minutes. His body clock is on East Coast time:) Andrew literally fell asleep on the floor last night and tonight, ha ha:)

Headed to Anaheim to show him ASC, Disneyland, Angel Stadium, and our favorite waffle sandwich place, Bruxie's! He saw the San Bernadino Mtns off in the distance and noticed the fact that there are almost no bugs here:)

I dropped the boys off at Hermosa Beach to play for hours, while I ran a few much needed errands....... food mostly, lol:)

Olive is hiding during the daytime, but resting on my bed at night:D We figure she thinks she's in kitty heaven now........

Next up, first CBVA tournament for Logan and Andrew on Manhattan Beach!

Rain.

In the midst of a Sunday afternoon on the beaches in SoCal, something happened that almost never takes place, ever. Thunder, lightning, and a rainstorm. It was such a unique sight, as many looked to the heavens to see such signs........ perhaps leading to what is to come.

Most hadn't ever played VB in inclement weather, with elements challenging the focus...... What impacts the life of one, has already been experienced by another, be it ever so simple or drastic. Each element can add to life, if we understand the power to possess in these moments...

I know I needed the time of refreshing, to be with life giving hearts back in our hometown last week......... as I've opened myself up in a time of sorrow, I am sincerely blessed and excited to see the life that is blooming.....

I continue to face the financial challenges of a 45 year old widow, trying to begin a career that will impact both coasts and beyond, with concerns for my kids' futures. My personal and business life are ever intertwined and I'm not sure if or how they are to be separated.....

There's interest in my "love life" or whatever that looks like, lol:) I'm still trying to figure that one out, not wanting to repeat my past experiences..... "mistakes." I too, "look to the heavens, to see where my Help will come from..." Ps. 121

Logan and Andrew had a great day, playing a VB tournament in Manhattan Beach. They did really well and had an awesome time, even played fellow Redondo Seahawks and UCLA players:) The Grass Doubles Tournaments on the East Coast have definitely benefited both! Their growth is amazing...... The weekend is a blur, with another week beginning.

After witnessing the lightning over the ocean, and hearing the thunder in the heavens, I know I want more of the supernatural intervention of God. 
He knows the rain... reign that needs to come to the land.

Unscripted.

I think in so many ways I'm like any other person who craves comfort and stability and wants to count on another person to provide it. After all, that's all I've ever known.........

When I was younger raising my kids, a part of me wanted structure and methods that would work so I wouldn't have to think. Just implement. That idea of control seemed to work for everyone else, but didn't quite work for me. I had to make it up as I went and trust my instincts were right:)

Finally talked with my oldest tonight, after going for well over a week or more without speaking. It usually begins late at night and ends far past my bedtime:/ We covered a wide variety of subjects in an hour's time! Politics, Religion, Dating, etc., etc.

One of our cats went missing tonight, after Logan parked the ATV inside. He used his flashlight on his phone to search for Schmoopie, as I listened from 3000 miles away:) Thankfully she found her way to the back but she won't be making the trip to Cali tomorrow. We decided one will come with the boys tomorrow; the other one in a week or so when a friend comes to visit:)

Logan and I talked about his return here tomorrow; more like I talked, he listened. He has had the best time home, reaffirming his friendships, faith, and life experiences. In spite of the "great weather" and "everything to love," we know there is more to life than this.

For now, he returns......... we all need reminding of our mission regularly. Still kind of making it up as I go along......... without a manual:)