Gain.

Sometimes doing what is necessary for the sake of another has to be one of the toughest things ever undertaken. There's uncertainty in the letting go...... what lies ahead..... and of course, when free will is involved, the greater the risk and impact.................

Perhaps in losing my very personal and protected relationship of 25 years, I was jarred into a new reality.... and remedy for life. I now do not hesitate to embrace the change that needs to happen; I know I am not normal but hopefully helpful:)

As we enter our second school year in Redondo Beach, it's becoming apparent the sacrifices of the first, will prepare for the next. It's already shaping up to be a better year than last for Logan, and it's only the second day. He has learned so much.......... as have I.

I've been told by friends back home I should never play poker..... that's changed:) I know I need to be here to advance in many areas in my life, including business, personal, physical and most of all, mental. When taken out of your comfort zone, accelerated growth can happen, even in your 40's.

After our loss, I went from managing my household for 20+ years, into the workforce, in less than 5 months. Talk about change..... struggle...... and suffering, but I knew the time and opportunity were right. I had to go for it. I was given a position at a Prudential in southeastern PA and my new journey would begin.

There were times when tears were triggered, or emotions expressed in the office; I had so much to figure out and try to hold it all together...... I could've run away from the change, but I stayed. Because I did, I am only beginning to see those rewards.......

Sometimes you just have to go for it....... and ask yourself, what have you got to lose?

Beginnings.

First day of his Junior Year in high school; our second year starting in California. Thank God we made it this far:)

Dreaming.

For so many years, I have carried dreams.... in my heart, soul, mind and spirit. Over time, I pondered them, wondering if there would ever be a time of fulfillment. Things I want to do, places I want to go, ways I've wanted to reach out but have only ever known limits........

These dreams never died, even in the light of the death all around us. My circumstances have always seemed to dictate my direction in life, but I have always fought against the tide.. Days I feel as if I'm drowning, I am never completely overcome. I can't be.

There are times when I feel I could be carried away in despair, if I let myself be, particularly when life spins out of control. For you, It may be health, wealth, childbearing or child rearing, the struggles are real; the need for direction, desperate.... especially in these days.

Sometimes it's as easy as knowing where to go for help..... who to go to for help..... and most importantly, who has the answers you need, at the right time and the right season in your life. Don't hesitate to ask......... the limits are coming off.........

Today felt like a day from hell as one thing after the other happened. The first bus did not show up for Austin, so he biked to the next stop to catch it for his first day of school. Thankfully, he had a great first day and will be back at it tomorrow, which will include VB conditioning with the club team:)

I took Logan to get his CA Driver's License only to again be told we are missing a required item, which we had not been informed of. And of course, there's a large fee required in order for him to take the test. I was livid and have gotten very vocal and expressing the ridiculousness in all the hoops needed to jump through to get something simple done.

Never expected this from such a "progressive" place. To many, it is normal life. Many I meet in SoCal try to convince me of the wonderful place we live in here and yet, I'm finding them to be some of the most miserable people I have ever met in my life. I am getting a hard edge......... which I need.

Flowers brightened my day at the office, as my friend John now sends me them on a weekly basis. He knows I need it, ha ha. Seriously, I have never been treated so well, ever. 
So much is happening I can hardly keep up, but is right on time....... 

Don't ever stop dreaming.......

Vanity or Valor.

Coming into an area and state that seems to "have it all," one would not expect there to be so many needs. The "needy" are not always the impoverished and in the streets.................

As challenging as it is, I've chosen to immerse myself in the culture, to learn and become "educated" in the culture. A certain portrayal of a lifestyle is on daily display; beauty, butt cheeks, cracks, bosoms, and vain imaginations are all exposed to me, and much more. I learn from lifestyles.

King Naaman, from ancient days, was afflicted with leprosy and was sent to a certain prophet for guidance on how to get rid of it. He was told to go nearby into the Jordan River and dip himself in the water; there he would find what he needed at the time to help.

He wrestled with this concept, wondering how he could possibly benefit from this experience..... this idea was beyond his comprehension; how could something good come from a dirty, unfamiliar place. 
What he had to do ultimately, was to "immerse" himself in a place that was so unlike who he was........ but that place contained what he needed to prosper. We are doing the same. God help us.

After some shake ups, Austin is finally starting at the local community college tomorrow! His schedule will be full with school and working 1-2 jobs, and club VB. He now bikes everywhere because of our 2 car situation and is not an easy thing in this setting since we're not in a city.

Another weekend of beach VB keeps me sane, quite honestly. Logan and partner went 2-2, continuing to improve. Lots to think about going forward.... new strategies and plans to put in place to get where he wants to go. It's time to dig in deeper. School begins Wednesday for him.

There are shakes and quakes all around the globe, with quite a few happening here in California. Perhaps there are some things that need a bit of shaking up.
Let everything that can be shaken loose, be. It is then that we find out what we are really made of. Vanity or Valor.

Rewards.

It's official. One year has now passed since Chynna, Logan, and myself ventured west to settle in this strange and unusual land. As I look back on the year, it is quite amazing on so many levels. After one year, I have a pretty good handle on how this territory operates.......

I can honestly say the good and bad have made their presence known, much like the parable of the wheat and the weeds in the book of Matthew. They grow together here and it is very difficult to see the difference between the two. It takes every ounce of strength to pull out the good....... but that, we must to focus on.

Tomorrow begins the HS beach season for Logan and team. As you may recall, he was fortunate enough to join the first ever beach league last year, after being here a week. This year, he's on the Varsity team, and ranked with his partner as top team for this week. That may change, but hope not 

My daughter, who struggled in the early weeks after settling, now has 3 positions coaching in the South Bay and is fast becoming a libero. She had to be willing to lay down her dream, her hopes for a future in the sport, much like Abraham was asked to do. God asked him to sacrifice the most beloved thing in his life, his son, his future; but, at the last minute, there was an alternative offered.

As Chynna began to embrace the potential sacrifice asked of her, the most important thing in her life, God intervened. He gave her back what she loved the most. I know how scary it is to be willing to die to your dreams and not know what is ahead. However, I've come to learn obedience is far better than sacrifice.

As one of my sons said today, we focus so much on the sacrifice and what may be asked, rather than thinking of the rewards to come. I'm not talking about eternal rewards, I'm speaking of meaning and "wealth" in this life that comes in various forms. This belief is why I do what I do.........

I have laid down many relationships, things I love, and don't want to do without but I am reaping the rewards...... and will have far more than I can imagine.

Connections.

Here I am, almost 3 years into this journey of loss in my life, and I am constantly learning.... about myself and my capabilities. There was a time not so long ago, I wondered what my talents were, and if I had any........ my husband seemed to have every single one.

I knew I was a great VB player;) but beyond that, I couldn't see much else, so I dedicated myself to the sport. Along came my babies and I enjoyed every minute of that time, for the most part, lol:) The roles I played seem to define me, even when I wrestled internally. Some I embraced, while in others, I evolved.

Had I decided at any moment to accept the role I played, without feeling like life had any more of a future to offer me, I would be in serious trouble right now. Never stop dreaming, expecting and believing you are equipped to do what you are purposed and being prepared to do....... life is just beginning at any moment......

I am seriously wondering what property management and real estate has to offer me, as my venture in this area continues to grow. I have great tenants because I foster relationships; connections mean something to me. I find most do not want to leave...... and I used to think it was because of my late husband, but now...... it's actually all me.

I've had some plumbing issues at one property that has been a hassle; an underground water line needed to be replaced and there's more to do. PA panic is what I call it, while LA is laid back; I'm finding a balance:) With good counsel and help from my family, I am figuring out how to handle issues that come up. My side of the family has been taxed by helping me.

When plumbing needs to be replaced, I know that God is giving me a message:) This time it relates to "connections," "fittings", and finding a good "flow." There's always work to maintain something that hasn't been updated in many years, but when it goes bad, it's crisis mode. Crisis is the worst to be in. I have found no one thinks straight, without the spirit of God.......... and even then it's questionable.

I'm finding people connect and respond to integrity, honesty, and understanding. Somehow I want to continue to give it out, even if I'm not getting it in L.A. County. This online community is one that will continue to expand, grow and keep connections strong.

Whoever wants a "home" will find it with me, with us.............

Filled.

My "desk bed" is back and I only wish I could get to finishing something. My pile to file is growing at a constant rate and I can't seem to complete anything. This is crazy....... and I'm a pretty organized person.

Because of loss, I went from 2 down to 1 person, and continue to handle about the same load, or more. Any hassles we previously had, my late husband could handle. That was the plan; if the plan has changed, then I need to be filled in..........

"Sometimes your battles choose you......."

Style.

Over the course of the last year, I have seen my youngest mature, physically, emotionally, and mentally. There is a lot to be impressed about, but tonight, there was something extremely special and rare, that many adults cannot even comprehend..........

After coming through a very difficult situation with a so called "friend" and teammate in the spring, my then 16 year old had every reason to hold a grudge, be offended, and disgusted. He was justified, as I was even in relating to this young man's parents. Horrible things had been said to us............

Rather than hold onto it, we chose to forgive..... because there will always be someone who will mistreat you or screw you over, pardon my language. But I feel, forgiveness leads to a future and is all worth it. In the last few years alone, there are many reasons why we could feel "wronged." That, however, becomes a complete waste of time.

Today as the HS beach team scrimmaged their rivals, I watched Logan's response to this young man. It was an act of maturity and decency and strong character on his part. Making choices that lead to life.........

I haven't been a parent who has done repetitive prayers or recurring scripture memory with my kids. Even when their dad was alive and they were younger, we were not a conventional couple. I figured I could never ever do everything "right."

What I choose to do.... is live the lifestyle I say I believe in. This has a far greater impact on the past, present, and future.

Destiny.

I think by now, most of you know I have this "love/hate relationship" with California. The same can be said of destiny........

You also know I'm not going to BS my way through making you think life is "perfect" when life's journey has led us down many difficult paths....... but what if the heights we have climbed lead us to magnificent views, and a vision so spectacular...... what if the hard work and determination could actually pay off.......

In the last week, I'm told my physical changes continue to show; even more so, mental strength. The last few days have been totally eye opening for John, who has spent time in our "new reality." He understands the things I communicate, and sees firsthand. Life changing moments......

A few more pics from a day of beach ball to share; one in NorCal, as Jordan played in an outdoor tourney:) And more from the south. My friend from the east heads on his business trip, after enjoying some local fare here. His kindness is endless...........

I've decided there are two kinds of people in life........ life giving or soul sucking. Determine who surrounds you and what path your life will take.

I made it our mission to visit Simi Valley, CA, a bit north and inland of where we live. I needed to see the Reagan Presidential Library today to acquaint myself with this past President and leader. This "great communicator" is an inspiration to me, reminding me never to give up on this great land. Destiny is in our blood.

"Once you begin a great movement, there's no telling where it will end. We meant to change a nation, and instead we changed the world." R. Reagan

Righteous.

In the first 3 months of our move west, it seemed the same song was always finding its way to play on my phone. "The Beautiful Letdown" by Switchfoot would play as I was driving back and forth to Logan's club practice a few times a week. I wondered why...... and then thought oh no....

I find there to be as many stereotypes coming from California, as there are projected onto the state by other parts of the country. Very weird. The thinking seems to be that there is no other place where talented, skinny, successful, beautiful and fit people can exist. LOL.

Many "live the dream" in SoCal which includes paying as much as a half mil for a fixer upper or being a tenant forever; spending $9.99 on a small rotisserie chicken in the local grocery store; hearing your neighbors run their garbage disposal at 8 a.m. because homes are so close, and/or enjoying the commutes in the infamous L.A. traffic:) All a matter of perspective.......

It looks like my real estate "career" is expanding and I will have openings coming in my rentals and advertising for Fall vacancies. I've been inundated with interest in the most recent opening, like never before. I'm seeing a demand. Thankfully I have great support helping me through.

Chynna's coaching jobs begin this week, as she makes inroads into the coaching community. The pace of life is a bit slow for her taste as well, and trying to make adjustments. Good news is she's enjoying her new bed off the sidewalk:)

Our desire to impact, influence and inspire people remains true, firm, and resolute, even if we're told we're "living the dream." We remember what's real and righteous.