Promises are preservation.

So I'm finding out that apparently allergies do exist here in the west; I somehow was led to believe the myth of miraculous health here in SoCal, LOL. The Santa Ana winds are having their way and bringing similar symptoms felt back east:/

A bit of refreshing has come as coaches and colleges are responding to our emails sent regarding Logan's interest in a VB future:) Any amount of good news can carry us a long way...... it is what has preserved us this long after all:) For me, it's good to see Log smile again.........

Austin's back to biking to Elco for school this week, after a bout with a stomach bug. He's taking general ed courses this semester and is looking into a viable option for schooling elsewhere, as he determines what his major will be. He is feeling motivated and fighting the aimlessness of L.A.

My daughter continues to excel in her studies in personal training and fitness; she hopes to put her pursuits to work in a gym and gain experience. Her JV School team at Vista Mar continues to be successful, coming to a close of the season. She has made a positive impact and really enjoyed getting to know the girls team:) Coaching is in her future.....

And then there's Jordan....  He's settling into another new place, a room which is far more private than any before. Privacy is sorely lacking here and in NorCal; home ownership continues to be out of reach, as many his age are unfortunately finding out. It is not unusual to first marry in your 40s and limit the family size based on availability and affordability of housing..... I can hardly imagine.

For myself, since announcing my two week notice at Pru CA, my "time" has been taken up at a tremendous rate. While my husband and I had hopes for our future in rentals, I now work on maintenance schedules, showings, and continual communication with interested parties in homes I have coming available. It is fast becoming more than a PT job and I feel as if something has been preserved for me................

My promises...... they are my preservation.

All my love.

There are seasons where fulfillment seems to be found so freely; life flows from places you've invested in and all is well. When these seasons change, as is coming in the changing of time very soon, a shift is felt in the soul......

The resources that once fed and supplied "life" seem to dry up, and disappear, much like I and so many others have experienced. Is there any good news to share....... the answer is yes, unless you're looking to the wrong resources........ there are new voices to hear on the horizon.

Even in times of despair, the prophets of the Bible and those who spoke of better days ahead, believed in it. It seems that when women specifically felt desperate and practically destitute, a word of hope would come, even if in an unconventional way......

One widow was told after feeding the "future", her food supply would not run out. Another woman took the advice to gather jars and pour her last oil out, only to find her supply would not run dry. I am counting on these types of testimonies being replicated today....... and I am walking it out....

I still feel as if I can be taken advantage of as a female business owner at times; however, my strong support system helps to lessen the impact. I do know that in coming to California, I have learned to take my place and position, and push things I need to push for.

We do find we miss the change in seasons, and only in stepping away from the east, would we find that out:) Logan and I in particular, can't imagine another season away from home for the holidays......... and the snow LOL:)

My time with Prudential CA HB is coming to an end, as I began to train my replacement today. Another step forward.

Keep moving on with me:) All my love.

Love alone is worth the fight.

It may appear to many that I make rash decisions or determinations for the present and future; but it's actually with a lot of contemplation and reflection that my choices are made. I don't, however, fear failure or allow that to prevent me from making new moves. Life is too short...........

"Giving up doesn't mean you're a quitter, it just means whatever you're fighting for is no longer worth the fight." (Macklemore)

Perhaps facing death has taught me more quickly whether or not a person, place, or thing is worth fighting for. After all, I can't do the work for anyone else or stand alongside cheering and caring forever. Any move that is made, or change that occurs has to be a personal choice........

I am less tolerant than I ever used to be, unless I'm connected to kids here and/or choose to be kind to others. Then.... that's a different story:) Logan and two VB friends met to sell Christmas trees to the community as a fundraiser for their HS team, in the 75+ degree weather. That's a feat.

It's nice to be introduced to some really nice guys, who I prefer to hang with more than adults:) I don't mind playing chauffeur for this very reason. Each sold their quota, with only a few doors slammed in their faces. "Where Is The Love?" Black Eyed Peas

Funny how, in this culture obsessed with staying young, I feel like society ages those here; kids and adults included. No one can just "be still" because of constant competition and the costs of living. I am fighting to remain "youthful" and all of us, "innocent."

The days of playing in the yard, hanging with friends, or hosting family for events are cherished memories we have, and want to make more of..................

October has been outrageous. More to come.

The Exodus.

Making a move in life always brings uncertainties along the way with so many things to consider in the choices we make. College, career, lifestyles, and loves all lead somewhere or nowhere....... Steps forward reveal what we leave behind...... and the value we place on a future.

My background is such that my husband kinda had the "final say" in decision making, even though we would typically talk things out. I had an opinion most often to share, but would defer to his judgment based on the doctrine we were taught.

Being in such a position is risky, because trusting my partner to make all the "right decisions" is an impossible feat for anyone. On the day he passed, I wish he'd listened to me.............. there has to be mutual respect in any relationship; without such, humanity falls.

On a daily basis, it is not unusual to be yelled at, leered over, glared at, and hassled in some way, by someone of self importance here in SoCal. Back east and elsewhere, it is an occasional occurrence. Making the decision to be kind is difficult because there is no "safe place" to land........

Logan and his new MB Surf team had a prosperous day at this first tournament at ASC today:) We also met up with dear friends and former Rockstar teammates, with hugs and smiles, as their bond remains special. Wish it could've been protected; however, in SoCal VB, the truth unfolds....

As time has accelerated in our lives, there are moves that need to be made in order for us to stay ahead. I will be training a new girl to take my position with Prudential before the end of October. I will then be solely focused on my personal business. and blog .......... and growing it.

"All steps lead forward." (Mick Seislove) 

Valuing innocence.

Over the course of many years, I have seen and heard many "dreams," some of which are held onto, even when the time of fulfillment has passed. Holding onto a purpose that has passed is like devaluing your destiny........

Tomorrow begins the Indoor VB Club season for Logan and his new team, MB Surf. Yes, there is no break; in SoCal the game continues year round, indoor and outdoor. I'm starting to see how this idea of constant competition between kids in Cali, and I do mean constant, can slowly wear away childhood innocence.......

Insanity is defined as "doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome." The importance of meaningful connections with quality people cannot be overstated and far outweighs the satisfaction of any kind of competition, college, image, or status, in my humble opinion.

Austin is recovering from a nasty stomach bug he's had since Tuesday night and missed a few days of school as a result. He's a typical almost 20 year old, searching for a purpose and plan for his life. For now, he is researching......

There is no shortage of surprises living just outside of L.A. When I picked up a few items at the local Walmart Thursday, I suddenly became surrounded by a number of Japanese tourists, taking pictures and notes as I was flying through the store, LOL:)

Redefining the dreams. Innocence over insanity.

A fresh start for Fall.

Being given a "'second chance" in life, whether your experience is in the loss of life or the quality of it, is truly a gift that is easily missed. It is as I move further in my journey that I continue to see this glorious unfolding.....

The opportunity may be wrapped in a beautiful covering, or simple plain brown paper, with nothing to catch the eye. Something given as a "gift" should make me feel good...... and contrary to my circumstances, I know the One I believe in gives only "good gifts......."

I may try to make a guess at what could possibly be contained inside, or how it might impact my life as I open this mystery. My anticipation is palpable; however, it's not until I begin to really unwrap it, rip into it, that I become enveloped in the possibilities and discover destiny within.........

As John and I spent another weekend in SoCal together, I continue to be amazed at the quality of this man I have gotten to know very well....... While I never imagined my life would take such a turn, nor the lives of my children, I see the possibilities of second chances.....

I didn't realize how, but I began to compartmentalize myself since trauma took the life of my late husband and our life, as we knew it to be. I think I had to segregate it in order to handle the major life alterations that accompany loss. Trust issues took their toll as well..............

I now am coming to the start of another new beginning in my life. In another week I will be leaving my PT job at Prudential in HB, in order to pursue my writing and blogging career. It seem the Fall season has brought about a necessary "change" in this season in my life........ more to come.

I hate goodbyes........... but I LOVE beginnings.

Hell's fury to Heaven's glory.

I realized something today that now seems glaringly obvious. I think stagnancy feels like death to me............ and yet it is all around me........ It's like I have developed a sensitivity, aversion and negative reaction to it, almost beyond my control. I actually detest it. We are meant to "move."

I have to be part of a living, breathing community more than ever before. As I sat in a gym Wednesday night, waiting for a girls VB game to end, I had to smile. These 8-10 year olds were having so much fun, passing the volleyball. I miss the smiles, screams, and fun. My heart connected and I felt energized........

Jordan has moved into another place in SF, and Chynna continues to try to make ends meet, renting her room in Redondo Beach. Housing here has opened their eyes. The boys and I are together, thankfully. I have the most time with Logan b/c of travel time, and I cherish the moments......

I believe the separation in the 3 years that we've had, not only from losing their dad but in a sense each other's presence, is meant to bring us to maturity. These experiences have grown us up in ways that being together would not have. In some ways, loss has taken us through hell's fury and hopefully into more of heaven's glory............

After 14 months in SoCal, I finally felt like I had "real" conversation today, from the most unexpected place. As my business colleague discovered my story, and what precipitated our transitory move west, she got quiet. As I opened my heart, she could share hers, telling me how cancer has touched her life just this year....... a rare moment I'm cherishing. It was meaningful. 
My soul finally felt like it was filling up....... and I know I am made to do this.

The "strongholds of duty," whether to family, friends, or coworkers, can keep you from taking the next step and moving on in your own life. Duty will stop you from your destiny because it's easier to stay put......

This week I made a decision to leave my current position at Prudential CA in Hermosa Beach. It was one I wrestled over for weeks, but know it is the right thing, at the right time and season in my life. I have the support I need to step out, taking another leap into what I ultimately want to do..............

Stay tuned in. Love and Hope.

In hopes of being happy.

Happiness. That elusive element in life I have been looking for since my husband's passing almost 3 years ago. During our 25 year tenure, I wondered if I had found "it" because our time together felt severely tested. Being "happy" couldn't be so hard................... could it?

I came west on a quest in support of my kids, with few expectations of my own, but far more hopes........ Turns out being happy has to do with creating a "home", and I'm not speaking about real estate, that would be far too simple. Home is meant to be a place of hope.............. that envelops the heart........

Logan and the Redondo Beach VB team swept Camarillo in the first round of beach playoffs tonight which was exciting. This season has flown by and Log's put forth so much effort. Trainer Troll from The Yard called the team the" hardest working group" so far. I am continually impressed by his level of integrity in this culture to conform............

This week we've come closer to the issue of illegal immigration than ever imagined. Stories shared and reasons given are basic common knowledge, but for us, make the issue all the more personal. They come here in hopes of finding "happiness" firsthand, so I hope we realize what we've got before it's gone.......... or taken.

Austin is now down to one very part time job, and also going to school. We hope he can find another that fits well with his schedule. He continues to bike most everywhere, although I now have a bike rack in case he needs a pick up. Thanks John..............

With help and support, I was able to make a much needed move this week in real estate I will share in the coming days. In PA, I have rental homes coming available with more calls and emails coming from interested parties, than I ever could imagine. Being bi-coastal was the original plan........

"Chances Are." Five For Fighting

Written deep in my heart.

Seasons come and go in life when it seems as if the toughest of times are upon us, personally and nationally. These moments are meant to strengthen not strip one of power............ it is then that purpose is perceived and action is taken.........

Character is built in a culture who has been through stuff together; in communities who care for each other. Contrary to what I believe in and hope for, this concept is not found everywhere. If you have found it, freely share with others. If not, find your "family," a place you do belong.

Reflecting on my personal history is so much more important than wiping it away, or pretending the past never happened. That is insanity. I can't rewrite history but allow it to be used as a reminder, and "writing those words on my heart."

These reminders, when written deep in the heart, will enable me to never forget the journey and what it has taken to get where I am going...... and I am going somewhere. 
They serve as a constant in life and are what brings me back to "home."

I took a big leap of faith today as I made a decision I've deliberated for weeks about. When faced with it I was reminded of my May-September timeline; time set aside to strength my core for the coming shift. There is so much insanity in this space......... I am coming back to my center.

I am grateful for the support I've gotten in order to take this next step which is risky. I will share more in the coming days. My heart is a little bit lighter tonight....................

Shaken to the core.

Everyday I'm met with cultural diversity and societal stereotypes in SoCal. It's almost like I'm living in a parallel universe or something right off the pages of a history book. There is some kind of acceptance regarding roles people play in society and is quite fascinating, for lack of a better word.

When I raise a question in this regard, it is usually met with surprise...... surprise that anyone would care to notice such a thing. Me being the curious type, I can't help but ask how some things can continue........ unless all sides are in agreement and have an "understanding."

So, now it's our turn; it would seem that one of my sons has recently felt the sting of "reverse discrimination" in the workplace. Never thought that would be an issue we would face............. until coming to SoCal. You would hardly believe it. More accelerated learning on our part.......... getting us ready for something new.

In a location where the land is literally shaken, I think our beliefs have been shaken and taken down to the core. When I want to come to the end of the epiphanies, they just keep coming. Mysteries and secrets are being revealed..........

When I met John over 18 months ago, after a few dates I told him two things: 1. My kids want to move to California and 2. He will never be bored with me. Turns out, he didn't run for the hills but hung in and is my biggest supporter:) We have determined however, that we never need to go back to HI....... ever again. More details coming.

New business ventures are awaiting me and other adventures are out there for us. I can feel it and see it. Perhaps Fall will bring about a change in the seasons in SoCal, when most are least expecting it............ breaking this stagnancy.

Gotta keep moving. Goodnight and Love.